


Halfway

by Shauntal



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: F/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-25
Updated: 2015-06-28
Packaged: 2018-03-15 00:41:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 26,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3431702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shauntal/pseuds/Shauntal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As she reflects on her relationship with Sesshomaru, Rin deals with having to raise their half-demon daughter without him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bruises

“You’re scum, you know that?”

Setsuna fell to the ground. Her assailant was a boy, a few years older than her. He pushed Setsuna’s face into the dirt and she could feel small rocks digging into her cheek. There were two other children, a boy and a girl, possibly the first boy’s siblings.

“Yeah, my mom says that kids like you shouldn’t even exist.” The second boy kicked Setsuna while she was still lying on the ground.

“Why don’t you just die already? Or...you could get rid of those stupid dog ears and _maybe_ you could be normal like us!” All three of the children began to pull at Setsuna’s ears and hair. She tried hard not to cry or whimper, knowing  it would only encourage her tormentors.   


“Hey!”

The three children turned to see a teenage boy approaching them. He had black hair like a normal human, but his eyes were golden, and filled with anger. “Get outta here, and don’t let me catch you messing with her again!”

The bullies scattered off, leaving Setsuna weak and bruised on the ground. Her ears twitched in pain, and there was a throbbing ache in her side. She tried to call out to her rescuer, but her voice barely came out as a whisper.

“A-Aki-chan?”

“It’s alright, kid. I got you.” Akihiko lifted Setsuna onto his back. “Come on, your mom’s wondering where you are.”

Getting targeted by village kids was nothing new for Setsuna. They’d point and laugh, call her names, and sometimes they’d throw rocks at her. But that day marked the first time that she’d actually been hit.

“Hey Setsuna, when those kids pick on you, why don’t you ever fight back?” Akihiko asked. “You could if you wanted to. I know you’re stronger than them.”

“The humans already hate me. If I fought back, they’d just hate me even more. Besides, I don’t want to hurt anybody – even if they’re the ones that hurt me first.” As Setsuna rested her head on her cousin’s shoulder,  taking in his comforting warmth and scent, she thought about what lie she was going to tell her mother about how she got her injuries. “Aki-chan, if my mom asks you what happened to me, please don’t tell her what you saw. Just tell her I fell or something, ok?”

Akihiko wanted to decline but held his tongue and nodded instead. He knew that Rin would be able to effortlessly see through her daughter’s lies anyway. So he continued to let her rest on his back until they returned to the village.

 

The sun was beginning to set. Villagers were finishing up work for the day and parents were calling their children for dinner, but Rin’s oldest child was unaccounted for.  She stood outside of her home, tapping her foot nervously and keeping her arms folded across her chest. Hisoka, Rin’s six-year-old son, tugged nervously at the bottom of her kimono.

“Mommy, can we eat now? I’m so hungry!”

“No, we’re waiting for Akihiko to bring Setsuna back.” Rin explained calmly. “You’re not starving; you can wait a little longer.”

The little boy pouted and folded his arms, imitating his mother’s stance. “Stupid Nee-san...” He muttered under his breath.

Just at the edge of the village, Rin spotted a young man carrying a small child on his back. She felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from her chest as she ran toward them.

“I got something for you!” Akihiko said with a smile, setting Setsuna down. She still seemed a bit disoriented, but at the very least she was now able to stand on her own two feet.  “She was way far out in the woods. But once I caught onto her scent, it was pretty easy to find her!”

Rin knelt down so that she and Setsuna were at the same eye level, and she noticed all of her bruises. “Wait...what happened?!” She lifted Setsuna’s arms, inspected her legs, and turned her face here and there.

“Nothing happened, mommy. I just fell while I was playing.”

As promised, Akihiko kept silent, but Rin still knew that she was being lied to. Even so, she wasn’t going to try to push the truth out. “Now, why were you out so far?”

Setsuna scratched at her ear nervously. “Well, I overheard some grownups saying that there are some really pretty flowers that bloom out in the woods. I know how much you love flowers, so I wanted to pick some for you. But, I don’t know, I guess I got lost and I couldn’t find them. I’m sorry, mommy.”

Rin responded by pulling her daughter into a tight hug. “Thank you so much, Akihiko. Won’t you stay for dinner?”

“Yeah, Aki-chan, stay.” Setsuna chimed in, her face still buried in her mother’s shoulder.

“Oh, no thanks.” He politely declined, waving his hand. “My mom is probably waiting for me to come home now. She gets a bit sensitive when I’m not there to eat with her and dad.”

“Tell your parents to stop being strangers! I’ve been waiting forever for them to visit!”

“I’ll be sure to pass on the message.” He bowed deeply. “See you, Rin-san! Take care, Setsuna-chan!”

As Rin watched Akihiko run off, she thought about how fortunate Inuyasha and Kagome were to have such a wonderful son, and how blessed Setsuna was to have a cousin that was so willing to look out for her.

“I wish Aki-chan was my older brother.” Setsuna mused as she and Rin began to walk back to their home.

“Well, he may be younger than you, but you always have Hisoka!”

Setsuna twisted her face in disgust. “Ew, Mommy, Hisoka doesn’t count.” Rin couldn’t help but laugh.

As if she spoke him into existence, Hisoka popped his head out of the entrance to their home. “There you are! Stupid Nee-San, I had to wait for you to come back so I can eat, hurry up!” He yelled.

Setsuna calmly walked up to her little brother and clocked him on the head. “Stop calling me stupid!”

Rin intervened and pulled the two bickering children away from one another. “You, stop calling your sister stupid.” She said to Hisoka. “You, stop hitting your brother.” She said to Setsuna. “Both of you get inside and eat your dinner.”

 

Rin silently watched her children as they ate, not wanting to partake until she was sure they’d had enough. As usual, Setsuna was gingerly picking at her rice, while Hisoka savagely shoved his in his mouth, barely chewing.

“Hey, where’s Dad anyway?” Hisoka asked with a mouthful of rice.

“Chew your food, please.” Rin said taking a sip of her tea. “When he left this morning he said he would be back late. So by the time he’s here, you all might be asleep.”

“Excuse me!” An unfamiliar voice called from outside. Setsuna and Hisoka looked questioningly at each other, then at their mother.

Rin put her cup of tea down and stood up to greet the visitor. When she pushed the partition aside, an angry looking woman stood before her.

“Yes, can I help you?” Rin asked politely, stepping outside.

“Sorry for interrupting your evening.” The woman said with no remorse. “But my children tell me that your daughter attacked them today, and I’d like you to do something about it.”

Rin looked at the woman suspiciously. She had a lot of nerve, interrupting a meal and then making accusations out of nowhere. “With all due respect ma’am, my daughter hates violence. I’m sorry that your children were hurt, but I seriously doubt that it was my Setsuna who hurt them.” 

Setsuna’s words from earlier echoes in her head _\- Nothing happened, Mommy. I just fell while playing._

“As a matter of fact, my daughter came home this evening looking like someone had attacked _her_.” She told me that she fell, but that isn’t what it looked like to me! Are you sure it wasn’t your children that attacked my daughter, and not the other way around?!” Rin was getting more and more furious, her voice rising in volume.

The woman then smacked her right in the face.

 “Just who do you think you are? Raising your voice at me and accusing my children of harming your clumsy daughter!”

She struck Rin again. Her face was starting to sting. But she didn’t retaliate.

“And even if they did, so what? It’s not their fault, or even your kid’s fault, it’s yours! You’re the one who decided to sleep around with a demon and bear an unwanted half-breed! Then you have the nerve to force that abomination onto a nice man like Kohaku...he deserves better than the likes of you, that’s for certain.”

Rin’s chest began to tighten, her hands balled up into fists. She wasn’t sure whether she wanted to cry, beat this woman to death, or both.

 “I’m going to have to ask you to leave.” She said, voice cracking.

The woman was silent for a moment. But she nodded towards Rin and bid her good evening.

When Rin stepped back inside, she saw Hisoka sitting right by the entrance with wide eyes, while Setsuna sat next to him, looking completely crestfallen.

“What did I tell you two about listening to adult conversations?!” She snapped. But when she saw the kids shrink back in fear, she knew she shouldn’t have. She knew that they couldn’t help but hear what was going on even if they weren’t curious. She wouldn’t have been surprised if the ‘guest’ had deliberately spoken loud enough just so that they’d be able to hear.

“Are you done eating? Let’s get ready for bed.”

The siblings glanced at each other as their mother pushed them along towards their futon.  Setsuna took her usual spot on the left side, facing the wall. Hisoka took the right side.

“Listen to me,” Rin said, taking their tiny hands into hers. “I love you both so very much. And I will always, _always_ be proud to say that you are mine - no matter what anyone says.” When she said that last part, she made sure to look Setsuna directly in the eyes. “Do you understand?”

The children both nodded.

“Good.” She kissed both of them on the cheek. “Sleep well.”  After ruffling their hair a bit, Rin went to go stand outside. Once he was sure she was out of earshot, Hisoka spoke up.

“This is all your fault, y’know.”

“What are you talking about?” Setsuna turned to face her brother, who was glaring angrily back at her.

“Mommy’s upset because of you. If you weren’t a half-demon, people wouldn’t say bad things about you, and Mommy would be happy.”

Setsuna was used to being shamed for her blood by strangers. But to hear something so cold coming from the mouth of her only brother felt worse than a thousand punches or kicks. “I hate you, Hisoka! Shut up and go to sleep!” She whispered furiously, turning over and angrily pulling the covers tighter around her body. She then shut her eyes as tightly as she could, hoping that it would stop the tears that she could feel welling up.

 

Rin stood outside in the chilly autumn night. She shivered from the cold, but couldn’t stay inside and risk the children hearing her cry. She knelt down on the ground, covering her mouth to stifle the sounds of her sobbing. The sound of footsteps slowly approached her. It startled her at first, but she was relieved to see that it was only Kohaku, finally home after a long day of slaying demons. He was covered in dirt, and his weapon was covered in blood. But after years of living with him, Rin was used to the sight.

“Hey, what are you sitting out here for? You need to be inside it’s freezing...” When he noticed the tears in her eyes, Kohaku dropped down next to her, dropping his weapon and pulling her into his arms. “Rin, tell me what’s wrong.”

She remained silent, trying to listen to the rhythm of Kohaku’s heartbeat to calm her down. As she did, the words of Setsuna’s father began running through her mind.

_“She will stay with you.”_

_“It would be for her own good if she were to remain here.”_

_Would it?_ Rin thought. _Did you really make the right decision, Sesshomaru-sama?_

 


	2. Fireflies

_I can’t remember exactly when I began to fall for Sesshomaru-sama. Maybe it began years ago, with the countless times he saved my life, and spared me from death. Maybe it was the strange compassion that he showed me, in a world that was otherwise cruel. Maybe it was when I first laid eyes on him, and how even as he was weak and injured, he was still the most beautiful person I’d ever seen._

_But that was merely innocent admiration – as I was just a ward who was grateful to her guardian. Those feelings changed as time passed..._

_After the battle against Naraku was over, Sesshomaru had me live with the old priestess Kaede in the human village. I pleaded to stay with him, but in the end I acquiesced._

_As time went by, he would visit me on occasion. He would even bring me gifts – mainly new kimono. But as beautiful as they were, seeing Sesshomaru’s face again was the only gift I needed. It was even nice to see Jaken again, even if he was still just a cranky little toad._

_Not a day went by where I didn’t have my eyes on the clouds, hoping Sesshomaru would appear. Even when months went by, then years, I would still look towards the sky every day._

_Readjusting to human life was a slow process, but I got through it. I grew especially close to Inuyasha, Kagome, Miroku, and Sango, and saw them as older siblings. I’d even helped deliver their children. Then of course there was Kaede, who taught me almost everything I know about taking care of myself. It was a difficult time when she passed away, but I like to think that she’d be happy with the person that I’ve become._

_The most difficult part of trying to live a normal life was making friends my age. It’s not that the kids in the village were mean to me, or they excluded me. I just felt as though I couldn’t relate to them. There was only one person close to me in age that I ever felt somewhat close to, and that was Kohaku._

_Then again, how_ couldn’t _we feel close with all that we’d been through during the year that we first met?_

_It wasn’t until one summer night that I realized Kohaku’s true feelings for me. I was feeling restless, so I sat alone outside looking at the stars, connecting them to make images in my mind. Kohaku had just come back from slaying demons all day. He looked exhausted, but there was still a smile on his freckled face._

_“Hey Rin, what are you doin out here?” He offered me a hand and I accepted it, lifting myself from the ground._

_“I can’t sleep so I’m just sitting out here...I’m sure you’re tired though, you should probably go to sleep.”_

_“Well actually I, uh, wanted to know if you would take a walk with me, maybe, if you want.”_

_I thought it was strange that Kohaku was interested in taking a walk at that time of night, but I figured maybe it would tire me out and ease my restlessness, so I agreed to go with him. He led me to a meadow filled with wildflowers on the outskirts of our village. Countless fireflies flew around, their glow illuminating the darkness.  I managed to catch one in my hand._

_“Do you ever wonder what they’re saying to each other?” I asked Kohaku, staring at the firefly’s blinking light._

_“Well, to be honest, not really.” He chuckled. “But I imagine that they’re trying to find a mate.”_

_“Oh, I see.” I said, releasing the firefly back into the night. When my hand was free, Kohaku grabbed hold of it, interlacing his fingers with mine, and pulling me so that I faced him._

_“Rin, I hope I’m not being too forward by asking you this but...may I kiss you?”_

_I could feel all of the blood rushing to my face as I tried to avert my gaze so that I was looking anywhere except directly at Kohaku. To this day I have no idea why I did this, but I nodded._

_“Um...sure, I guess.” Once I consented there was absolutely no hesitation on Kohaku’s end. He leaned forward and our lips met._

_That was my first kiss. I didn’t see fireworks, and I didn’t feel like I was floating on air. I’m not sure why I expected anything like that, but I found myself a bit disappointed._

_A chill crept down my spine when Kohaku put his hand on the small of my back. It was fine at first, but then he got a bit too bold. He rubbed that same hand down my backside and upper thigh, and then tried to undo the knot of my obi, all while his lips were still on mine._

_“Kohaku, what the hell?!” I yelled shoving him away from me as hard as I could. He looked genuinely surprised by my reaction, which I found astounding. “Have you been spending too much time with your brother-in-law or something?” I said, trying to readjust my clothing. “You really just wanted to drag me out here so you could try to fuck me?!”_

_“Rin, look, I’m sorry.” He reached out to me but I swatted his hand away. I had no interest in anything he had to say, so without another word I walked back to the village by myself, not looking or caring to see if Kohaku was following behind me._

_I was 15 years old at the time. Kohaku was 18. We were at that age where it was typical to be primarily interested in romance or sex. I felt foolish for not figuring out beforehand that Kohaku felt that way about me. I wondered if the signs had been right in front of me the whole time, but I was completely ignoring them. It’s not that there was anything to dislike about him. He was my closest friend, he was kind, strong, good-looking, but I certainly wasn’t in love with him. I thought that if there were anything between us, I would have felt something in that kiss._

_When I got back home I collapsed onto my futon and stared at the ceiling. I felt something tickling my hand and looked to see that a firefly had come inside to keep me company. Just like before I watched its blinking light, wondering what it was trying to say. Before I fell asleep that night, I wished that I were a firefly. So that I could shine my own light, in hopes that Sesshomaru-sama would see it, and finally come back to me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is a bit shorter than the first one, but I felt like a lot of what I was planning on including would've been better as its own chapter. Thank you so much for reading so far!


	3. Hot Springs

Rin slowly dipped her body into the soothingly warm hot spring, while Setsuna jumped in with no hesitation. “Hey, you know better than that.” She said, softly but sternly. Setsuna paid her no attention and carelessly flailed about in the water.

Rin was startled when she noticed her reflection in the spring water. Her skin had gotten so pale, and dark circles had formed under her eyes. It looked like she was losing a bit of weight too. She knew she wasn’t getting any younger; in fact she was almost 30. But all of this couldn’t be due to just aging, could it?

Setsuna had stopped playing around; she looked at her mother with concern. “Mommy, are you okay?”

Rin’s hands were shaking uncontrollably, and she had no idea why. She pulled her hair back and shoved her hands under the water. “I’m fine, don’t worry.”

Unconvinced, Setsuna held her mother’s gaze for a moment, but decided to change the subject. “I’m glad tonight’s one of my human nights. I _hate_ it when I get water in my dog ears.” Since she was an infant, there was always one night every month where Setsuna would become fully human. Her golden eyes would turn to brown, silver hair would turn to black, and her dog ears would be replaced with human ones. Rin was constantly startled by how much human Setsuna resembled herself when she was her age. Her daughter’s hair was not as unruly as hers was, but everything else was practically identical.

“Now, I can do this!” Setsuna disappeared underneath the surface, probably trying to see how long she could hold her breath. When she finally came back up for air, Rin chuckled.

 “That’s funny that you’re so okay with it now. Do you remember the first time you realized you could turn fully human?” Setsuna shook her head. “Of course not, you were very young, about 3 I think. You were crying because you were so scared and confused, ‘Mommy I think I’m broken!’ you said.”

“Ugh,” Setsuna hid her face with her hands. “Do we have to talk about this?”

Rin continued on, ignoring her. “Then I pulled you into my arms and hugged you real tight like this...” She grabbed Setsuna by the arm and pulled her into her chest.

“Mommy you’re...crushing me!” She tried to wriggle out of her mother’s grasp, but Rin wasn’t budging.

She rambled on, lost in her nostalgia. “And I said, ‘Don’t worry, you just look like Mommy now, just for tonight.’ It seems like it was just yesterday, but it was so long ago.” Rin sighed and released Setsuna, who dramatically gasped for air. “Setsuna, promise me you won’t grow up too fast. You have to be my baby forever.”

“I’m not a baby, I’m 9 years old!” She pouted.

“And...? You’re still my baby.”

Silence ensued as Setsuna got lost in her own thoughts. Rin wondered what was on her mind as she drifted in the water, floating on her back. When she finally decided to speak again, Rin was caught off guard by her inquiry.

“Um...can you tell me about my dad?”

“Your father...?” Rin tugged at the ends of her hair nervously. “What makes you ask?”

“I don’t know anything about him, anything! I don’t know his name, I don’t know what he looks like, what he sounds like, his personality...nothing. I feel like the only kid with no dad.”

“Well, you have Kohaku-san.”

“You know that’s not the same thing, Mommy.”

Rin knew she was right. Kohaku may have been the father figure in Setsuna’s life, but it was only natural for her to be curious as to where she came from.

“Alright kid, listen up.” Setsuna swam closer, listening anxiously. “Your father’s name is Sesshomaru. He looks, well, the same way you normally do – silver hair, gold eyes, but he has marks on his face here.” She drew invisible lines on her cheekbones. “And the mark of a crescent moon here.” She pointed to her forehead. “He was always very quiet, and he often acted as if he was really cold-hearted. But I could see through that easily. He was always caring in his own way.”

“Did you love each other?”

Rin smiled. “Of course, I did!” _I still do..._ “And I’m certain he loved me in return.”

“Why did he leave us then?”

That was the one question that Rin did not have an answer for. “You know what, I couldn’t tell you. But I do know that he’ll come back.”

“You think so?”

“I know so.” Rin looked up at the indigo night sky. Setsuna sat next to her and followed her gaze. “For years I’ve looked towards the sky like this. Not once have I lost hope that my lord would return.”

 “So when he comes back, are you, he, and Kohaku-san going to have an affair?” Setsuna asked, feeling a bit precocious.

“Young lady,” Rin splashed her playfully. “Just who do you think you are, asking such grownup things?”

 Giggling uncontrollably, Setsuna splashed her right back. “I just wanted to see your reaction.”

 

 _What if this could be every day?_ Rin thought as she continued the splash fight with her daughter. What if she didn’t have to live in a village full of people who thought her child was a monster? What if Sesshomaru hadn’t vanished and instead, stayed with her so they could watch their daughter grow up together?

But she also knew that dwelling on ‘what if’s was just self-torturous and pointless. She knew that she would leave the hot springs with Setsuna, only to go home, and go to bed lying next to someone she didn’t truly love, only to wake up the next morning and watch as her daughter tried to survive hell on earth.

For now though, she was going to cherish this moment of seeing a genuine smile on Setsuna’s face.

 


	4. Advances

_I was 19 when I finally saw Sesshomaru-sama again. It was the peak of spring, and the flowers I’d missed so much during the frigid winter months had finally returned. I lay there in the very meadow where I stood with Kohaku years ago, embracing the sunlight that shined down on my face, as well as the breeze that blew my hair back and made the purple wildflowers dance around me. It was so relaxing that I ended up falling asleep right there._

_While I slept, I dreamt that I was standing alone on a beach. I squished the wet sand under my feet as the tide washed up against my ankles. Then I looked ahead, and noticed Sesshomaru-sama, Jaken, and Ah-Un, walking with their backs towards me. My mouth opened to call their names, yet no sound came out. I tried once again, but only to get the same result._

_Still, Jaken turned around and looked surprised to see me. When he tried to get Sesshomaru-sama’s attention, he was also ignored. He ran back to me, stumbling over his little feet in the process. When he was finally standing in front of me I couldn’t help but laugh. We were practically the same height at one point in time, but now that I was able to look down at him, he seemed even smaller than before._

_Jaken gave me an angry look as he usually did, before striking me on the head with his old staff._

_‘How dare you lay here so undignified in front of our lord like this, Rin? You should be ashamed of yourself!’_

_I woke up with a horrible headache, and when I opened my eyes I saw a green lump lying face down next to my head._

_“Forgive me my lord; I only wanted to wake her up.” I heard it say. The voice was all too familiar, as was the next one I heard._

_“Rin...”_

_There he was, right before me. But this time it wasn’t a dream. And even after all that time, nothing about him had changed, not that I expected otherwise. There was only one difference that I noticed when I stood up and brushed the dirt from my kimono. As a child, I was so small that I barely reached his knees, but now I stood up to his shoulder._

_I threw myself into him, unable to contain myself. Trying and failing to hold back tears, I cried into his shoulder, “I miss you.”_

_What happened next was something I never expected – Sesshomaru actually put his arms around me. He said nothing, but he didn’t have to. As strange as it might sound, I thought that I could sense what he was thinking, even when he spoke no words. I imagine, ‘I missed you too’, is what he would’ve said._

_I looked into the golden eyes that I remembered so fondly. That gaze and that embrace made me feel something that I’d never felt before. It was like a fire – a fire that lit up all of me from the top of my head to my fingertips and the tips of my toes._

_That was the moment when my feelings towards Sesshomaru started becoming less than innocent._

_After Sesshomaru returned, I was almost never in the village. Most of my days were spent with him and Jaken, just like in the past. But I no longer trailed behind him like a duckling; I dared to walk at his side. I would laugh silently to myself whenever I caught Jaken looking vexed as I did so._

_I learned that during his long absence Sesshomaru had been making a territory for himself. He finally stopped being a nomad and even had a palace of his own somewhere out west. When he finally took me to see it for the first time, I was in awe._

_“This is so beautiful”, I said, “I can’t believe you live here.”_

_“Well, only the best for Sesshomaru-sama!” Jaken said. Sesshomaru and I both ignored him._

_“Follow me,” he said. “I have something I want to show you.”_

_“Oh, me too, my lord?” Jaken asked enthusiastically, his creepy yellow eyes practically bulging out of his head._

_“No. You can go feed the koi and wait for us to come back.”_

_Dejected, Jaken wandered off to the pond at the back of the palace to feed the fish, he was grumbling something as he left, but I didn’t care enough to try to listen._

_Sesshomaru led me to a humongous room with sliding doors inlaid with gold and walls covered in paintings of trees and waterfalls._

_“These are my quarters.”_

_Again, I was in awe. “You really have this whole space to yourself? Then again, you have this entire palace to yourself. Doesn’t it get lonely?”_

_He raised an eyebrow, “Lonely? No, I have Jaken with me.”_

_“Oh really?” I said with a smile. I knew he couldn’t have been serious._

_“I’m not one that needs to keep a lot of company. You know that, Rin.”_

_“So, would it be too much company if you had one more housemate? Like...me, perhaps?” I said, playfully poking his arm._

_“Why would you want to do that? I thought you enjoyed living with the humans.”_

_I sat down on the floor, heaving a sigh. “I’m glad I got to get used to living with humans again. It was a great idea on your part to get me to live with Kaede...but it’s just not the same. You and Jaken aren’t just two demons that I tagged along with as a little girl, you two are my home.”_

_A loud clap of thunder shook the walls and startled me; it was followed by the soothing sound of heavy rain._

_“I have a question for you, Rin.”_

_“Yes?”_

_He took a seat next to me. “Have any of those human men tried to make any advances towards you? I’d be surprised if that isn’t the case, as any man would be more than lucky to have you.”_

_“Oh my lord, you flatter me!” I could feel my face heating up, but I was certain that he was only being kind. I told myself to not get all flustered over such a comment. “I’m sure you remember Kohaku?”_

_“Ah,” he said. “That doesn’t surprise me.”_

_“Well, he’s very kind, and I enjoyed his company even when we were all traveling together. But to be honest I can’t see myself being involved with him as anything more than a good friend.” I shrugged my shoulders. “Besides, there might be someone else that has my heart.”_

_I kept my eyes on the tatami floor so that I would not look Sesshomaru in the eyes. I was afraid that if I did look at him, he’d be able to see right through me and determine my true feelings._

_“Well...who is it, then?”_

_Had he figured it out, and was just asking me that question to tease me? Or did he still have no idea? Either way, at that moment a wave of boldness came over me. I pulled his face towards mine and kissed him like I’d yearned to do since he first returned._

_“Does that...answer your question?” I was satisfied, but at the same time I felt embarrassed when we separated, like I’d done something I shouldn’t have. “I’m...so sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”  I turned away from him in shame, but to my surprise he actually pulled me back to him._

_As my back was pressed against his chest he whispered into my ear, “Rin...what you’re doing is dangerous. Are you sure this is a line you want to cross?”_

_I’d never been certain of anything else._

_“Sesshomaru,” that was the first time I’d spoken to him without using an honorific. I turned to look him in the eyes, I wasn’t afraid anymore. “Don’t you understand? I’m no longer that little girl you used to know, I don’t need protection. I’m a woman now.” I leaned forward so that I was practically sitting on his lap._

_“And I want you to treat me like one.”_

_Those words set something off in the both of us. We kissed again, but it was harder and more intense than before._

_“I might hurt you.”_

_“I don’t care.”_

_He undid my obi and slid off my yukata while I removed his clothes as well, then he laid me down on a nearby futon. My hands gripped his shoulders while my legs wrapped around his waist. I was a virgin then, so when he first went inside of me it was painful, but only for a moment. After that it was pure bliss. I put a hand over my mouth to stifle my own sighs of pleasure, but Sesshomaru pinned both of my wrists to the floor._

_It was impossible for us to physically become closer, but that was what I wanted. I wanted to become one with all that he was – his scent, the feel of his skin..._

_I wanted to be consumed by him._

_He pulled me up onto his lap and as he kissed me he dragged his claws down the length of my back, but I barely noticed the pain. If anything it made the liquid fire that was flowing through my veins burn with more intensity, much stronger than what I felt that time when he held me in the meadow. I felt like the inside of a volcano, and I was on the brink of eruption._

_As we finished, I fell back onto the futon. I was lightheaded, my breathing was heavy, and my thighs were sore. My body was so tired that all I had to do was close my eyes once to blink and I fell asleep instantly._

_As I woke the next morning the first thing my eyes landed on was my discarded kimono. When I saw it I became filled with shame and guilt. I don’t know why I thought of Kohaku, but I felt as though I’d betrayed him._

_No...I didn’t love Kohaku, I owed him nothing. My heart belonged to Sesshomaru, and that’s why I let him take me._

_I felt fingers touching my bare back and a shiver went down my spine._

_“Oh...I didn’t know you were awake.”_

_“I’m sorry that I hurt you.”_

_Surely he was talking about the scratches he’d left on me the previous night. “No, don’t be,” I said smiling. “I’ll think of them as battle scars, and I’ll wear them proudly.”_

_“Rin, I think that you should live here with me after all.” Sesshomaru said, running his fingers through my hair._

_“What? Why the change of heart?”_

_I felt him bite into my neck. I would’ve expected it to hurt, but it actually tickled quite a bit. His lips came close to my ear, and what he said nearly caused my heart to skip a beat._

_“Because you are mine.”_

_He was right, I was his...just as he was mine._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was my first time attempting to write sexual content, so I do apologize if it's mediocre. Thank you so much for reading!


	5. Guardians

Setsuna watched in admiration as Akihiko practiced his archery. The bow was drawn, the arrow was pointed directly at the target, but his hands...they were shaking. Was he nervous? What reason did he have to be nervous? His mother had been training him since he was old enough to hold a bow and arrow on his own. He was way too humble to call himself a master, but he was definitely proficient.

So why wasn’t he able to focus?

Akihiko released the arrow sooner than he meant to, it landed a few inches short of the center of the straw target.

“Dammit.” He whispered.

“That’s okay, Aki-chan, you’ll do better next time!” Setsuna said, proudly applauding her cousin.

“Indeed, Akihiko-kun,” said Koutaru, Akihiko’s close friend who had also come to watch him practice. “Your archery skills definitely surpass my own. Why, if I tried to shoot that arrow, it would’ve landed a foot in front of me.” He chuckled.

“Oh, uh...thank you, Koutaru-san.” He said as he went to retrieve his arrow.

“Akihiko-kun, how many times must I insist that you just call me’ Koutaru’? As long as we’ve been friends, it’s just awkward for you to speak to me so formally!”

“I’m sorry Koutaru-san...I mean Koutaru!”

“I’m only teasing, calm down.” Koutaru placed a comforting hand on Akihiko’s shoulder. “You can call me whatever you’d like.”

The longer he kept his hand there, the more Akihiko could feel the heat rushing to his face. He averted his eyes so that he was looking anywhere aside from Koutaru’s face.

“But I’d better be going now; I unfortunately have some business I need to attend to.” He said, bowing politely. “And you take care of him, Setsuna-chan. Make sure he stays out of trouble.”

“Don’t I always?” The little girl said with a smile.

As Koutaru ran off, Akihiko sighed as a wave of relief crashed over him. He heard the sound of a child’s infectious laughter and looked down to see Setsuna in a fit of giggles.

“And what are you laughing at?” He said, playfully poking her forehead.

Setsuna wiped a tear from her eye. “You like him!”

As if Koutaru had reappeared, Akihiko turned back into a bundle of nerves with a flushed red face. “What? Koutaru?! Why, of course I like him. We’ve been friends since we were little kids. He’s my best friend, why wouldn’t I like him?”

“Nooo, Aki-chan. I mean you _like_ him. You know, like...” Setsuna puckered her lips, making kissing noises that made Akihiko even more uncomfortable.

“Well, I don’t know where in the world you got that idea from, but that’s just silly! Me, in love with Koutaru?” He laughed, waving dismissively. “Besides, we’re both men!”

“So?” She said, shrugging her shoulders. “Boys can fall in love with boys.”

The two cousins looked at each other in silence.

“How...did you know?”

“I have eyes, and I’m not stupid.” Setsuna fake whispered.

Akihiko felt embarrassed that his feelings had been more transparent than he’d realized. If even Setsuna had been able to figure out how he really felt about Koutaru, had anyone else realized it? His parents? Koutaru’s parents? _Koutaru_? Did he know the truth, and was just flirting with Akihiko? It wasn’t unlikely that he’d  inherited his father’s flirtatiousness.

“I think you should tell him,” Setsuna said. “Who knows? He might feel the same way.”

“But...what if he doesn’t?”

“Why worry about that? Sometimes you just have to take risks for love.” She put her hands over her heart, her eyes glimmered romantically.

“Oh?” He chuckled. “And when did you become such an expert on love?”

“Aki-chan,” Setsuna placed a gentle hand on Akihiko’s arm, as she definitely wasn’t tall enough to reach his shoulder. “I’m a girl, I know everything.”

 

That day, Rin took a trip to her old home – the village where she lived with Kaede. But now Kagome had inherited the role of the resident miko, and in Rin’s eyes she was doing an excellent job. Of course, Inuyasha was still around, and the two bickered as always, but Rin believed that it was the petty fighting that in fact held their marriage together. She recalled the months when Kagome was pregnant with Akihiko...if they could survive the fights that ensued due to Kagome’s mood swings, their love could survive anything.

“OW! What the hell are you doing?!”

Kagome held both of Inuyasha’s arms as she put a foot on his back. “You were complaining that your back was hurting, so I’m stretching you out to make it better!”

“Well don’t! That hurts even more!”

She released both of his arms and put her foot down in a huff. “Well if you’re gonna be a baby about it, that’s fine. I know what’ll realign your spine.”

Inuyasha looked puzzled at first, but his eyes widened as realization slowly crept up on him. “Don’t you do it...!”

“Sit boy.”

Rin cringed as she watched Inuyasha crash into the ground with a yelp.

“Do you see how she treats me Rin?” He mumbled with a mouthful of dirt. Rin felt a bit bad for him, but at the same time she found it kind of funny.

There wasn’t an ounce of guilt in Kagome’s expression. “That’s why you should’ve just let me put my foot in your back.”

“I – I feel so much better!” Inuyasha sprung up as if he wasn’t just lying on the ground lifelessly. “Thanks Kagome!”

The miko rolled her eyes and sighed. “I love this idiot.”

“Kagome-sama!”

A young woman quickly approached Kagome, or as quickly as she could while wearing the heavy garments of a miko. Her dark brown ponytail bounced against her back as she jogged, and there was an endearing brightness in her brown eyes.

“Eiko, it’s good to see you...but, what exactly is going on with your clothes?”

The proud smile that was on the young woman’s face slowly fell. Eiko was very proud to wear her traditional red _hakama_ and white _haori_ , but she looked so disheveled, almost as if she’d fallen asleep in them. “Kagome-san, am I not presentable?”

Without answering, Kagome began straightening her up. She was fixing up one of the haori sleeves when she noticed that the white ribbon in Eiko’s hair was nearly undone, so she then tended to that.

“You know, you really need to be more conscious of your appearance.” Kagome said sternly, but with care. “And you seem to be struggling in other areas too. Eiko, are you sure you want to be a miko?”

As Kagome finished tying the bow in Eiko’s hair, the young miko-in-training whipped around to look her in the face. “Yes, Kagome-sama, I really do! I’m sorry if it seems as though I’m not taking this seriously enough, but this is more important to me than anything!” She looked like she was on the verge of tears. “If I can’t become a miko, I’ll have no choice but to become a demon slayer, like my mom and Emi. I might sound like a coward, but I can’t do that, Kagome-sama! I don’t want to fight!”

She bowed so deeply that she could see her falling teardrops stain her tabi socks.  “Please don’t give up on me. I will try my very best!”

Kagome hadn’t meant to imply that Eiko could never be a miko, but there she was, quietly sobbing with her head still down. And she wasn’t sure what to say that young woman feel better.

“Heh, nice job, Kagome.” Inuyasha muttered his breath.

“Sit boy.”

Rin looked at Kagome in amazement as Inuyasha went crashing to the ground yet again. How had she been able to hear that?

“See, now you’re just being petty.” He mumbled with his face in the ground.

“Listen, Eiko,” Kagome said, putting a hand on her apprentice’s shoulder, “you don’t have to give up on being a miko.  Just...try a bit harder okay?”

She almost dried her tears with her sleeve, but thought twice about it, and instead used her hands to wipe away any evidence that she’d been crying. “Yes ma’am, I promise not to disappoint you anymore!”

“That’s the spirit! Why don’t you come with me? There’s something I want to show you. Inuyasha, you can stay here and entertain Rin, can’t you?”

He shrugged his shoulders indifferently.

“It was nice to see you Rin-san, Inuyasha-san.” Eiko bowed politely. She hadn’t realized that Kagome was walking off without her. “Wait, Kagome-sama!” She yelled, shuffling along behind her.

Rin smiled. “She’s grown up to be so lovely. It seems like I helped deliver her just yesterday.”

“Yeah, Sango and Miroku’s kids ain’t half bad.” Inuyasha agreed. “Especially, what’s his name, Koharu?”

“I think you mean Koutaru.”

“Isn’t that what I said?”

Rin sighed, “Anyway, what about him?”

“It’s just cool that Akihiko had someone to grow up with. Those two are pretty damn close. Like, _really_ close. It’s kinda weird...”

“I don’t think I’d say it’s ‘weird’, they’re just really good friends is all.”

Akihiko...you could barely tell that he had any demon blood in him. If it weren’t for the eyes he’d inherited from his father, he could pass as an average human boy.

“Inuyasha, has it been hard for Akihiko growing up?”

“Eh, not really.”

“Well, what about you? Was it hard for you growing up as a half-demon?”

“Of course,” He replied grimly. “But I got through it.”

“How?”

“Well, my parents died when I was still a little kid, so I didn’t have them to defend me. I just had to learn how to toughen up on my own, and I had to do it quick.”

Being so young and having to fend for yourself in a world where everyone seemed to be against you was terrifying. Rin knew that to be true even as a human. She could only imagine what it must’ve been like walking the fine line between two races.

“Hey, you alright? You look kinda peaky.”

“Oh...no, I’m fine.” It was getting more and more difficult for Rin to hide her illness. The shaking had become barely noticeable to her, so it was difficult for her to hide it. Now she was having occasional headaches that were so painful that her vision would be slightly impaired. She was going to have to figure out how to hide that pain as well.

Inuyasha looked skeptical, but he wasn’t going to try to drag anything out of her. “Anyway, what’s up? Is someone messing with my niece?”

Rin nodded. “I feel helpless, like I can’t even protect my own child.”

“I’ll tell ya this – I don’t know who’s doin’ it, but there ain’t much you can do about ‘em. If someone wants to torment a little girl just ‘cuz she’s a half-breed, then they’re just fucked up in the head. They think they’re justified, and there ain’t nobody who can tell ‘em otherwise.”

Rin recalled the woman who’d visited her home the other night, the one who’d said all those horrible things about Setsuna while she sat only a few feet away.

“Right now, Rin, you’re doin’ all you can do. You just gotta be there for her. And don’t worry, she’ll be alright. No kid of Sesshomaru’s is gonna break that easily, that’s for damn sure.”

Rin wasn’t so certain of that. Setsuna was not like her father or her uncle, who would never hesitate to eliminate anything or anyone that dared to threaten them. She was way too gentle, which of course was nothing inherently bad. But Rin knew how humans could be, and she knew that there were some who would have no problem with taking advantage of her daughter’s kindness.

Still she accepted the reassurance. “Thank you, Inuyasha. Setsuna’s very fortunate to have you.”

“Nah, I dunno about all that.” He seemed to brush off the compliment, but his tone implied that he believed it.

“I remember one of the first times she met you, she was still so little.” Getting lost in nostalgia, Rin wrapped her arms around herself as if she were holding a small child to her chest.  “She saw your ears and her face lit up.  And she said, ‘Mommy, he’s just like me!’”

She sighed. “I’m sure it just helps her feel...a lot less alone, you know?”

“Oji-saaaan!”

A little girl’s voice could be heard in the distance. Inuyasha and Rin turned around to see Setsuna headed full speed towards them, with Akihiko trailing behind.

“Hey,” Inuyasha said coolly as she slid to a stop in front of him. “Did you make sure he practiced real hard?”

“Yes!” She nodded proudly.

“That’s my girl.” Though they were faint, Inuyasha could see the scars on Setsuna’s legs, as well as a bruise from a few days ago that hadn’t completely healed yet. He recalled memories from his childhood of being isolated from human, of being chased and hunted by demons, of not fitting in anywhere.

“Alright puppy,” Rin said, ruffling the hair on her daughter’s head. “You ready to head home?”

Setsuna puffed her cheeks out angrily. “Mommyyy, you know I hate it when you call me a puppy! Besides, I don’t wanna leave yet             ! I wanna stay here with Aki-chan and Oji-san!”

“Oh stop acting like you’re never gonna see them again.”

Akihiko smiled sweetly. “Yeah Setsuna-chan, we’re not going anywhere. You can see us anytime. I’d love for you to help me practice again.”

“Ok!” The little girl replied without hesitation.

Rin rolled her eyes. She was sure that if Akihiko lived with her, she could get Setsuna to do anything.

“Alright Mommy, we can go now.”

“Hold on a second, kid.”

Setsuna turned around to look at her uncle, who had a serious look on his face.

“You take care of yourself, alright? And take care of your mom too.”

She nodded her head confidently. “Yes sir!”

 

As they took the dirt path that would lead them back to their own village, Rin watched as Setsuna spun around in circles.

“Keep doing that, you’re gonna get dizzy.”

“Nu-uh.”

“Alright then, suit yourse- OH!”  Setsuna crashed into Rin, finally losing her balance. “See? Didn’t I tell you?”

Setsuna didn’t answer, but looked down at the ground in embarrassment. From then on she walked normally. “You know what, Mommy? I’m gonna do just what Oji-san said.”

“Hm? You mean you’re gonna take care of yourself?”

“Well, yeah, but I’m also gonna watch out for you!”

“Oh really? What do you mean by that?”

She stopped dead in her tracks and turned around to look her mother in the eyes. “You’re a human so I have to protect you. You always protect me, like how you protected me from that mean lady the other day, or how you stopped me from falling over just now. I think mommies need someone like that too!”

Rin smiled. “Well aren’t I lucky? I have my very own guardian to protect me.”

“Yup!” Setsuna said confidently, her ears twitching. “The best one you could ever have!”

 

 

 


	6. Petals

_“Sesshomaru?”_

_“Hm?”_

_“Will you remember me when I die?”_

_The sakura trees had finally bloomed. The wind blew the petals away, spinning them around in a whirlwind that almost looked like a small snowstorm in spring. One landed gently on my nose. I removed it and placed it on Sesshomaru’s._

_“You’ve asked me that before.” He said, brushing the petal away. “Why are you asking again?”_

_“It’s just that, looking at these blossoms makes me think of how ephemeral human lives are compared to demons. The sakura bloom and die so quickly, then they just come back next spring and the same thing happens all over again. Like how humans pass away and are then born again. But you, I know you were probably living hundreds of years before you even met me. My days probably feel like mere seconds to you. I just feel as though it would be easy to forget someone like me.”_

_He had no response._

_“Besides, when I asked you last time, you didn’t give me an answer!”_

_“I did.”_

_“No you did not. All you said was, ‘Rin, don’t ask such silly things’, or something.” I said, giving the worst impression of him that I could manage._

_“That does not sound like me at all.”_

_“That’s what you sound like to me!” I pouted childishly._

_Catching Sesshomaru’s grin was an incredibly rare occurrence, but when it did happen, such as in that moment, I could always feel knots forming in the pit of my stomach, and the warmth that spread across my cheeks._

_“And what are you smiling for?” I demanded._

_“The answer I gave you years ago, it still holds true as of now.”_

_My face twisted up in confusion at his cryptic response. He still hadn’t answered either of my questions. “Fine,” I said folding my arms, turning away from him. “If you’re gonna be all weird, no kisses for you!”_

_“Now Rin...”_

_I felt a tug on the back of my kimono and started to slide closer towards Sesshomaru. A hand tilted my chin upwards, and my brown eyes met with the golden ones that I was so familiar with. The ones that almost made me forget to breathe._

_“You know that if I want something, I will simply take it.”_

_My mask of feigned anger cracked under his gaze, and I fell into a fit of giggles. But the laughter turned to silence as our lips closed the distance between us._

_“SESSHOMARU-SAMAAAA!”_

_Jaken’s croaky shriek startled the both of us, breaking us apart. I looked behind me to see the impish demon hobbling quickly towards us._

_“What do you want, Jaken?” Sesshomaru asked, not even bothering to turn around._

_“I’ve been looking for you milord, I couldn’t find you anywhere” Jaken said between pants. “I didn’t expect that you to be out here...with Rin...looking at flowers.” He then turned to glare at me, as if I was the one disrupting something. “Honestly Rin, how dare you waste our lord’s time by making him participate in such a trivial activity?!”_

_“Silence, Jaken.” Sesshomaru said quickly striking him on the head. “I do not need you to speak for me.”_

_I glowered at Jaken’s seemingly lifeless body without pity, even when I heard the quiet whimpers coming from it. His nasty attitude towards me was nothing new, but it could get very irritating._

_“You know what, Jaken? Maybe if you would relax and just look at the flowers once in a while, you wouldn’t be so grouchy all the time!” I picked Jaken up by the waist and sat him on my lap like a little doll. “Here, look at the sakura.”_

_“Just what do you think you’re doing, Rin?”_

_“Look at them!” I demanded._

_Another breeze picked up, blowing dozens of sakura petals onto Jaken. He seemed annoyed at first, but eventually began to embrace it._

_Just then, a sudden feeling of nausea swept over me._

_“You know Rin, you were right!” Jaken said gleefully. He inhaled deeply. “These sakura are beautiful! And this air, it’s so fragrant! I suppose it is nice every once in a while to just sit back and enjoy what the seasons have to offer us-“_

_And then I vomited all over poor Jaken, unintentionally of course. I looked in horror as the bile spilled into his hat and onto his head and clothes. As he jumped off of my lap, his jaw dropped in either horror or disgust._

_“Jaken I’m sor-“ I tried to apologize, but I had to vomit yet again._

_“Jaken, bring Rin some water, and an empty basin.” Sesshomaru demanded._

_“What?! That wretched girl puked all over me and now you want me to be her servant?!” He protested while angrily pointing out his soiled clothing._

_But then Sesshomaru gave him the look - that look that let Jaken know that he was being given a second and final chance to have the correct response to Sesshomaru’s request._

_“Oh of course milord!” said Jaken with a brand new attitude. “Just hold tight Rin!”_

_“Oh, shut up Jaken.” I muttered long after the imp was out of earshot. Sesshomaru hovered over me. He said nothing, but I could see the concern in his eyes._

_“I’m okay.” I lied as the insides of my stomach continued to slosh around like a stormy sea. Sesshomaru tried to pull me into him but I practically fell into the massive fluff on my own. He was certainly courageous, not afraid to end up like Jaken._

_“I don’t believe you.”_

_“Well believe me then!” I said, forcing a smile. “And stop worrying so much.”  I poked his nose gently, making a little ‘boop’ noise as I did. He scrunched up his nose in response, as I thought he would, and I laughed weakly._

_“How one can manage to be so silly and so ill all at once is beyond me.”_

_But I had no energy to protest any further, I fell asleep before Jaken even came back with my water._

* * *

 

_Weeks went by and my condition hadn’t improved. The vomiting would stop on occasion, but I still had an upset stomach most of the time. I was also very tired, and could barely get out of bed most days. Sesshomaru and Jaken had been taking care of me the best they could, but at the end of the day they were both youkai and did not know how to maintain a human’s health. So one day, I took Ah-Un and went back to the human village, hoping that maybe Kagome would know what was wrong with me._

_On the morning of my arrival I left Ah-Un on the outskirts and entered the village alone. It seemed like there were a lot of people out and about for how early it was, but none of those people were Kagome. I did spot Inuyasha resting peacefully in a tree, with his arms folded across his chest and his back curved up against the trunk._

_I inhaled deeply and yelled as loud as I could, “HI INUYASHA!”_

_The hanyou went tumbling down and landed ungracefully on the ground with his behind in the air. He muttered something incomprehensible as he rose, all I understood was, “What the hell?!”_

_I was prepared to get a verbal lashing, but to my surprise when he realized who I was, his expression softened somewhat._

_“Oh hey,” he said. “Long time no see. I mean geez it’s like ever since Sesshomaru came back you forgot we exist or somethin’.”_

_I forced a bit of laughter, but tilted my head downwards in embarrassment. Of course what he suggested was far from the truth, but I couldn’t have told him about what my relationship with Sesshomaru had turned into._

_“Oh come on, I’m kidding. Relax.”_

_“Oh, uh, right, of course.” I said nervously pulling at my hair._

_“But seriously, what brings you back here?”_

_“I’m actually looking for Kagome.”_

_Inuyasha groaned, “You mean to tell me you woke me up from my nap because you were looking for Kagome? Why didn’t you ask anyone else?”_

_“Well, I assumed that if anyone knew where she was, it would be her loving husband, right?”_

_“Yeah, yeah,” His tone sounded indifferent but his face flushed red. I was amazed at how he could still be bashful about being called someone’s husband, but at the same time I found it rather adorable. “She’s up that hill over there with the little terror.” He said pointing over his shoulder._

_“’Terror’? You mean Akihiko?”  I laughed. “Don’t say that, he’s sweet.”_

_“Yeah, I bet he is to anyone who doesn’t have to be around him all the time.”_

_“Thank you, Inuyasha.” I said, shaking my head. I was headed towards the direction that he pointed me to, when he suddenly stopped me by placing a clawed hand on my shoulder._

_“Wait a second, Rin.” He turned me around and stared at me intently. “Are you alright?”_

_“I don’t know.” I responded shrugging my shoulders. “That’s what I’m hoping Kagome can tell me.”_

* * *

 

_The miko was right where Inuyasha said she was, practicing her archery with her son’s tight grip on one leg of her red hakama. Akihiko’s little golden eyes stared in wonder as his mother drew and released another arrow, and watched as it stuck into its target. Her stern concentration face broke as she looked down and smiled at the little boy. “See, and when you’re big enough, you’ll be able to do that to!”_

_“Kagome...”_

_Akihiko pointed a finger in my direction, and she followed until her eyes landed on me. “Rin? Oh my gosh, I haven’t seen you in ages!” As she walked towards me her joyous expression turned to one of concern. “How are you feeling? You look a bit...peaky.”_

_“Well, today is actually one of my better days.” I smiled. “But I’ve been feeling sick for a long time now.”_

_Kagome nodded in understanding. “You haven’t sought out a doctor?”_

_“Well, to be honest I think I trust you a bit more.”_

_“I see,” She tapped her bottom lip thoughtfully. “Well, I guess I’ll see what I can do, let’s go back to the house.”_

* * *

 

_After we returned it was only the two of us in the house. Kagome instructed Akihiko to go outside and play while she tried to figure out what was wrong with me. I told her everything – how I couldn’t seem to keep anything inside my stomach and how I was constantly exhausted. She asked me how long it had been since the last time I bled. When I thought about it...I couldn’t really remember. It had been awhile. I told her this and she became silent. Anxiety was written all over her face, she looked as though she were having an internal struggle._

_“Um...what’s wrong, Kagome?” I dared to ask._

_“Well Rin,” she said, nervously combing her fingers through her hair. “Based on everything you just told me, I was thinking you might be pregnant. But then I thought, that isn’t possible, because you aren’t seeing anybody, are you?”_

_I didn’t answer. Instead I avoided eye contact with Kagome as long as I could. But I guess my silence turned out to be an answer in itself._

_“Who is he, Rin?”_

_“No one,” I answered shortly, “no one you know.”_

_“I get the feeling you aren’t being honest with me. You can tell me the truth, it’s okay.”_

_What was I so afraid of, judgement? Kagome’s husband was hanyou, their only child was part-demon...surely she wouldn’t be in a place to judge me. Was I afraid of being scolded? What could anyone say to me? I was old enough to make my own decisions in regards to my own life. So just what exactly what was I afraid of?_

_I took in a deep breath, finally took my eyes away from the door, and looked Kagome in the eyes. She was looking expectantly back at me._

_“Okay, I’ll tell you, but please don’t overreact.”_

_“I won’t Rin; I just don’t want you to go through this alone, okay?”_

_My stomach felt weird, but this time it wasn’t the nausea. I clasped my fingers together as if I was going to pray._

_“Sesshomaru,” I said barely higher than a whisper, “it’s Sesshomaru.”_

_Shock was painted on Kagome’s face, but she quickly regained her composure and tried to pretend like nothing was wrong. “Um ...what?”_

_“-THE HELL?!”_

_Inuyasha stormed through the partition looking especially irate. “Sesshomaru knocked you up?! Are you serious?!”_

_“Sit boy.” Kagome looked indifferent as she watched Inuyasha fall to the ground. “Why were you eavesdropping?”_

_“I wanted to know what was wrong with Rin, too!” He replied, once his face was out of the dirt. “And I feel like I should’ve known. When I saw you earlier today Rin, you had Sesshomaru’s scent all over you. I thought it was just because you’d been staying with him but...shit.”_

_Kagome had no idea what to do, Inuyasha was so upset, and I was regretting my decision to come back to the village for help. I should’ve been able to figure out that I was with child on my own. The way I’d been acting with Sesshomaru, it had only been a matter of time. Maybe I had been in denial – so deep in denial that I needed someone else to confirm the obvious for me. And this is what it led to._

_But it only got worse from there._

_“Oh look, Rin” Inuyasha said peeking outside. “Your friend’s here.”_

_“He must be looking for me.” I said. “I didn’t tell him I was leaving.”_

_“Oh boy,” Kagome placed a hand on her forehead. “You’d better behave yourself, Inuyasha!” She yelled, following her husband out the door, while I followed after her._

_There he was, on that familiar light cloud up in the sky. That might have been the only time in my life that I was not excited to see Sesshomaru. But when he gently landed in front of the three of us, I could tell by the look on his face that he wasn’t too thrilled with me either. Completely ignoring Kagome and Inuyasha, he walked right over to me._

_“Why would you take Ah-Un and travel somewhere off on your own without telling Jaken or myself, especially while you are unwell?”_

_“Sesshomaru, I didn’t just wander off into no-man’s-land. I came to the village where I’ve stayed for years, to see people who we both know rather well.” I said trying to reassure him. “But I’m sorry if I scared you, okay? Let’s go home.”_

_“Nu-uh, not so fast, Rin.”_

_I tried to pull Sesshomaru away before he could get into an altercation with his brother, but I should’ve known better. I definitely should’ve known better. Inuyasha calmly walked over to Sesshomaru but then suddenly swung at him; Sesshomaru caught his fist and flipped him over his shoulder._

_“You’re disgusting.” Inuyasha said through gritted teeth._

_“What the hell are you talking about?”_

_We had an audience – just what I didn’t want to happen. I looked around and I could see people peeking through doors and windows, smart enough to not try and get involved. Some people shamelessly stood outside of their homes and watched as if the events of my life were entertainment for them. I even spotted Akihiko, as well as Miroku and Sango’s children watching in fascination and horror._

_“I’m talking about Rin, you sick son of a bitch. I know what’s been going on between you two, and I can’t believe you’d manipulate a girl like that.” Inuyasha jumped back up and slashed at Sesshomaru with his claws, but he dodged and retaliated with a punch right to the jaw._

_“I’m going to ask you not to pretend as if you have any knowledge on my relationships with anyone.” Sesshomaru said, flashing his claws. “I’m also going to ask you to not give me a reason to maim you in front of your son.”_

_“HA!” Inuyasha said, spitting out blood. “How ironic it is for you to bring up kids at a time like this.”_

_“I’ll ask you again what you are talking about. Stop dancing around what you really want to say.”_

_“I don’t know, I think you should ask Rin.”_

_“You want me to ask her...yet YOU are the one that I’m fighting, correct?”_

_I had to put an end to it. Before Sesshomaru had a chance to strike at Inuyasha again, I ran over and stood as a barrier between the two of them._

_“Stand aside, Rin.” He demanded. But I wouldn’t remove myself from in front of him._

_“No, I need you to listen to me.” I reached up and took his face into my hands. “Sesshomaru, I’m with child.”_

_I watched as the bloodlust disappeared from his eyes, and was replaced with...I don’t know. I don’t know what he could’ve been thinking. But now that both brothers were placid, I was able to finally say what I wanted to throughout all of this madness._

_I looked around for Kagome and noticed that she’d run off to make sure the children were okay. So I directed my attention solely at Inuyasha._

_“Listen, I love you and Kagome dearly. I’m sure you both know that you’re like a family to me, and I appreciate you looking out for my well-being. But I need you to understand that I am not a child anymore. Anything that’s happened between me and Sesshomaru that led up to this was done of my own free will. He would never hurt me. I’m sorry if this all seems a bit sudden, but I must ask you Inuyasha, to please respect what the relationship between Sesshomaru and me has become.”_

_The look on his face said he wanted to do anything but that. He kept looking from me, to Sesshomaru, and back to me again. Eventually his facial expression softened, and he shrugged his shoulders indifferently. “Good luck, Rin.”_

_I sighed in relief and looked up at my child’s father. “Should we head home?” He started walking ahead of me while I turned around to wave goodbye to Kagome and the children, but my heart dropped when I saw a face there that I wasn’t expecting to see – Kohaku. He stood coolly with his arms crossed, his back against a tree. I couldn’t read his expression at all, but I could imagine what he was thinking. The boy who had confessed feelings for me years ago had just learned that I’d be bearing someone else’s child. I turned away quickly before I could hold eye contact with him for too long._

* * *

 

_The journey home was a bit awkward for the two of us. Mainly because I was more silent than usual; naturally I had a lot to think about. I’d always wanted to be a mother, but I hadn’t expected it to happen so soon. I doubted it, but I wondered if Sesshomaru had ever wanted to have children._

_When we arrived, I opened my mouth for the first time since we’d left the village. “Sesshomaru, you aren’t mad at me, are you?”_

_“Of course not,” He replied without looking at me. “Jaken!”_

_“Yes milord!” The little toad replied from far away. I always wondered how he managed to hear so well when he had such tiny ears. He came scurrying like the little lapdog he was and looked eager to fulfill any request that Sesshomaru gave him._

_“I have something important to tell you, so listen.”_

_“Yes of course, anything my lord!” Jaken answered with bright eyes._

_“Rin is with child.”_

_‘Oh yes, okay....WHAT?!” Jaken turned to me, furious. “How dare you go on and get yourself pregnant you irresponsible trollop you have such audacity to burden our lord in such a way!”_

_“Jaken, you aren’t listening to me.” Sesshomaru said calmly. “If you interrupt me again, I will strike you.”_

_“S-so sorry, my lord! Please continue!”_

_“As of now, I don’t want to see you treating Rin with anything less than respect. I won’t have you screaming at her, or hitting her with the staff as you are wont to do. Do not cause her any sort of stress, understand?”_

_“But I – uh...yes, milord.” He seemed so disappointed. Did Jaken really take such joy out of being rude to me?_

_“I mean it Jaken.” He knelt down to stand almost face to face with the little imp. “If anything happens to Rin or my progeny due to your foolishness, I will certainly kill you.”_


	7. Humans

On a walk with her children, Rin was surprised to see that there were still some flowers scattered among the fields that were surviving the increasingly cold weather.

“Setsuna, Hisoka, follow me, I want to show you something neat.”

The two tiny pairs of feet followed behind her as she gathered handfuls of purple and red wildflowers. When she was satisfied with her collection, she sat down in the grass, followed by the children who plopped down on either side of her in unison.

“Whatcha gonna do with those, Mommy?” Hisoka asked.

“You’ll see. Should I start with red or purple?”

“Red!” Setsuna responded enthusiastically.

“I should’ve known you’d say that.” Rin said with a smile. “You sure do love that color, don’t you?”

“Mhm!” The little girl nodded proudly.

As per her daughter’s request, Rin picked up the small bouquet of red flowers and started to link them together, forming a sort of halo. Setsuna watched in awe, thinking about how these were the same hands that made her meals, tucked her into bed at night, and braided her hair from time to time. She wondered if there was anything her mother _couldn’t_ do.

“All done! This is for you, Setsuna-hime.”  Rin placed the red floral crown atop her daughter’s head. She was proud of herself for succeeding in making the crown wide enough to fit over her dog ears.

“Huh? I’m a princess?” Setsuna caught a glimpse of her reflection in a nearby pond, and she was pleased by what she saw. She loved how the red petals looked against her silvery hair. “Mommy, I really do look like a princess!”

Hearing those words warmed Rin’s heart.

“Yeah, Nee-san, you’re like a real princess – princess of the mutts!” Hisoka taunted, earning him a slap on the wrist from his mother.

“You don’t talk that way about your sister, you understand me?”

The little boy nodded with a pouted lip.

But even a scolding from their mother wasn’t enough to satisfy Setsuna, who clenched her fists in anger at her brother’s comments. “Yeah, well I’d rather be that than be Hisoka, prince of the scaredy-cat crybabies!”

“I am not a scaredy-cat crybaby!” He sniffled.

“Yes you are! You’re crying right now, and you’re afraid of everything! You’re even scared of fish!”

“Yeah because they look weird and they don’t blink and they look like they don’t have souls!”

“ _Both of you hush_!” Rin’s stern voice brought a prompt ending to their bickering. She patted either side of her to indicate that she wanted them to sit down. “Have I told you two about my brothers?” The two children shook their heads as they sat down in unison. “Well, I had two brothers that used to constantly bug me. We fought sometimes but at the end of the day, we all loved and cared for one another very much. Well one night, a very long time ago, when I was somewhere close to your age, Setsuna, some thieves raided our home, killing my mother, father, and both of my brothers in the process.” Rin paused to take not of the children’s reactions. She wondered if they were old enough to be hearing such a story, but when she saw that neither of them looked particularly disturbed, she continued.

“It was hard being so young and trying to fend for myself with no family. You could say I found a new family eventually, but even after all these years I can’t ever forget that night. And there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t wonder how things could have been different for us if none of that had ever happened.” She sighed. “But then again, if none of that had ever happened, I probably would have never met either of your fathers, and I wouldn’t have these little tiny squishy humans!” Hisoka and Setsuna tried to wriggle away as their mother mercilessly pinched their cheeks.

“Oh, look at me, I’m rambling.” The kids sighed in relief and rubbed their cheeks as they were finally freed from their mother’s grasp. “I brought up that story to show you that you should always love and cherish your family while they’re around, because you’ll never know whether or not today is the last day that you’ll ever see them again.” Rin got emotional as she recalled her days of scavenging, and being yelled at and stoned by villagers. Her memory then took her back to the day where she found Sesshomaru in the forest, and how clueless she was as to what they would become.

“Also, remember that sometimes, when bad things happen, it’s either to prepare you for something bigger on the way, or to humble you for something great that’s coming your way.”

Setsuna silently nodded her head in understanding.

“Hey Mommy, can you make a flower crown for me too?” Hisoka asked.

“No, you can’t have a flower crown cuz you’re a boy!” Setsuna responded.

 _I’m so glad to see that the two of you have taken something away from what I’ve said._ Rin thought, shaking her head. “You can have a flower crown, Hisoka. Boys can wear flower crowns too.” She said, picking up the bouquet of purple flowers.

The two siblings had a standoff while fiercely sticking their tongues out at one another. Meanwhile, Rin got to work on her Hisoka’s crown.

“Mommy, your hands are shaking, are you okay?”

 _Dammit, not again._ It was getting more and more difficult for Rin to hide her tremors. She didn’t want to worry the children, but it seemed like they were noticing whether she wanted them to or not. “I’m fine, Hisoka. It’s just a little chilly out here. You know I get cold easily.”

Neither Setsuna nor Hisoka believed her, but they didn’t question her and let their mother finish her task.

“There you go.” Rin placed the completed floral crown atop Hisoka’s head. He shuffled over to the pond to admire his reflection just like his sister had earlier.

“Awesome!” He said gleefully.

Setsuna regally extended her arms. “Presenting, Setsuna and Hisoka...”

“Hey, why does _your_ name get to go first?” He interrupted.

“Because I’m the oldest.”

“Oh, okay.”

“Presenting, Setsuna and Hisoka, the prince and princess of...” Setsuna looked around for something to claim.

“This pond!” Hisoka said, trying to help his sister out.

“Well, that’s not very ambitious.” Rin giggled.

“Wait, I got it.” Setsuna said, her ears twitching in revelation. “We are the prince and princess...of Japan!”

Rin began to laugh even harder. “That might be a bit _too_ ambitious, sweetheart. Hey, I’ve got an idea. How about this...”

The two siblings looked at their mother expectantly.

“I know this to be true; you two are the prince and princess of my heart!”

Setsuna and Hisoka exchanged a look, smiled, and nodded in agreement.

“The prince...”

“...and princess...”

“...OF MOMMY’S HEART!”  The two of them yelled in unison.  They jumped on her at the same time, knocking her to the ground. As the three of them held onto each other in laughter, with Hisoka pushing his face into Rin’s side and Setsuna’s ears tickling her neck, Rin wondered what she’d ever done to deserve anything as wonderful and precious as those children.

 

* * *

 

 

“You guys hungry?”

“YEAH!” The kids yelled enthusiastically.

“Well alright then, let’s go inside and get some food in those tummies.”

When they returned to the village, Rin and her children were confronted with an odd welcoming party. A few of the villagers stood in a cluster with angry postures, as if they’d been waiting for the three of them to return.

 _God, what do they want today?_  Rin thought as her heart sank to her stomach, anticipating confrontation. “Hey, you two go inside alright? I’ll be inside to start dinner soon. And no eavesdropping.”

The children both nodded in understanding. Setsuna led her little brother by the wrist into their home. But as soon as they were inside, Setsuna peeked through the partition to see what was happening with the adults.

“Nee-san, she said no eavesdropping.”

“Shhh!”  Setsuna whispered aggressively, ignoring his warning. She knew what her mom said, but she couldn’t just sit back and not make sure she was okay.

A large man, named Tehru, stepped out of the crowd, towards Rin. “Alright listen up. I ain’t one for beatin’ around the bush so I’ll just cut to the chase. We want you and that daughter of yours out of this village.”

“Oh really?” Rin responded calmly, even though her heart started beating faster. “Why is that?”

“We’ve only allowed you to stay in the village as long as you have because we’re rather fond of Kohaku.”  The man’s wife responded.

“You see, we feel safe having a demon slayer living with us.” An elderly woman chimed in.

“Oh okay, I see.” Rin said, tapping her foot. “So it’s fine for us to stay here as long as you deem my husband’s work beneficial. Isn’t that incredibly self-seeking...”

“Oh don’t you stand there all confidently.” Tehru said. “You are in no position to judge anyone. You’re a whore who has two children who were fathered by two different men and your daughter is a filthy blooded half-breed. Kohaku surely must see you as a charity case, otherwise I have no idea what such a man would want with you.”

Rin stood silently for a moment with a stoic expression. Then, to everyone’s surprise, she began to laugh.

A woman who Rin recognized as the woman who had disturbed her family’s dinner the other day spoke up, “What exactly are you laughing at?”

“Well, to begin with, I’m just not sure how my children’s fathers are relevant to this. This is what you all think of me? I’m a whore, am I? So I’ve slept with two men in my life. Why does that trouble you so deeply?”  Rin began to walk closer to the man who had slandered her. “Does it trouble you that multiple men would want me, while you had to practically beg your wife to marry you?”

Tehru had no response.

“Oh, by the way, on the subject of wives,” Rin fake whispered, “Instead of worrying about who I’ve slept with, you ought to be more concerned with _your_ wife and all the time she’s been spending with that traveling salesman.” She looked over to see Tehru’s wife blushing and deliberately avoiding eye contact with anyone. “But I suppose that’s none of my concern, now is it?”

Again, the man had no reply, but Rin could tell he was getting angrier. She was now standing directly in front of him. He was way taller than she was, but Rin could not have cared less. When she stared into his eyes she simply saw him as the disgusting creature he truly was, something far worse than whatever he thought her daughter to be.

“Furthermore...” Rin spat right in his face, smiling as he grimaced in disgust. “Don’t you _ever_ speak of my daughter that way again; that girl has a purer heart than any of you _swine_ could ever hope to have!”

Without warning, Tehru struck Rin hard with the back of his hand. Despite his stature, Rin might not have fell over if she hadn’t already been feeling ill. She became lightheaded and her vision became blurred.

The strange man hitting her mother, watching as she fell helplessly to the dirt, it all happened in slow motion to Setsuna. She ignored her brother’s cries for her to stay put as she walked out to where her mother was. The villagers snickered at Rin, muttering things like ‘serves her right’, and ‘that’ll teach her’. They all stopped when they noticed that the little girl they’d been vilifying was now in their presence.

“You ought to go back inside, little girl,” said Tehru, “this is no place for children.”

“ _But I’m not a child...am I_?”

Everyone noticed something different about the girl. An odd aura seemed to be pulsating around her.

“I’m not a child, I’m just a _filthy blooded half-breed, right_?!” The whites of Setsuna’s eyes had turned completely red, the irises turned small and blue. Her tiny fingernails turned into sharp claws and her fangs became more pronounced.

Screams and cries rang throughout the village as Setsuna jumped on Tehru and sank her fangs into his offending arm. No one, not even his wife came to his aid as his blood spilled all over the ground.  Meanwhile, Rin looked on in shock from where she sat. She was very familiar with this face, but to see it on her sweet little girl, who was always so against violence, it just felt foreign.

“Setsuna!” Rin called out to her daughter.

She didn’t respond.

Rin looked on at the man who’d had the audacity to lay a hand on her. His cries of agony sounded like music to her ears. A sick part of her hoped that Setsuna would rip him apart. But she couldn’t allow it, not for his sake, but because her daughter did not need to have a kill count. Despite her flailing around, Rin was able to pull Setsuna off of the man.

“Setsuna... _Setsuna_!” Rin continued her attempt to get through to her, ignoring the man’s horrified cries as he gaped at his torn up arm. She held her daughter’s face in her hands, looking at her directly. It was eerie how the red petals entwined in her hair from the flower crown that had since fallen from her head, were the exact same shade as the blood that was smeared across her face – it was almost like a mockery of her innocence.

What was this feeling Rin felt in her chest...fear? No, there was no way she’d ever be afraid of her own daughter.

“ _SETSUNA_!”

The ferocious growling stopped. Setsuna’s eyes changed back to their normal color. Nails and fangs shrank back to their normal size.

“Mommy...?” The little girl looked around her, at all of the blood on the ground, and the villagers’ terrified faces. She looked back to her mother. “What happened, did I do all of this?!”

“Come on, dear.” Rin said, leading her daughter by the hand back to the house. The villagers returned to their respective homes as well, not daring to cause Rin and her family any more grief.

“Mommy, what happened?” Setsuna repeated once they were inside.

“Why didn’t you listen to me?” Rin said frantically, ignoring her question. “I told you and Hisoka to stay inside and to pay no mind as to what I was doing.”

“I hurt that man, didn’t I? I changed, didn’t I?”  The little girl said, sniffling. “I saw that man hit you, and I just got really mad and now there’s just a blank space in my head where I don’t remember anything. I didn’t want to hurt anybody. I just wanted to protect you, Mommy! I promised I’d protect you!”

“ _I am your mother_!” Rin shouted. “ _You don’t protect me, I’m the one that protects you, do you understand?!_ ”

That mother and daughter stared at each other in silence. Rin knew that Setsuna had no control over what she did. Setsuna knew that her mother was just afraid, not angry.

Rin sank into the floor and held out her arms, “Come here.”

Setsuna let out a sob and threw herself into her mother’s embrace. Rin could feel her kimono getting damp with her daughter’s tears. She waved over to Hisoka, who came and sat next to the two of them. Soon he was crying too, and as much as Rin wanted to join them, she needed to be strong and wouldn’t allow herself to cry with her children.

In that moment, Rin’s heart was in a world of pain. She hurt for herself, she hurt for her children, and there was even a small part of her that hurt for those villagers. Something must have been wrong with their spirits for them to be filled with so much blind hate. What hurt Rin the most that day was not getting hit in the face, but realizing that no matter how many years went by, no matter how much time she spent trying to assimilate back into their society, it was more than likely that she would never be able to fully trust humans again.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	8. Beginnings

_The baby’s arrival was steadily approaching, and I was beside myself with excitement. Not only because I would finally be able to hold my first child, but because I could finally have my body back. I had no idea whether or not pregnancy was supposed to be so taxing on the body or if this baby needed more sustenance because of its demon blood. Either way, I just wanted it out of my body. My back was constantly in pain, I still felt very tired all the time and heaven forbid I drop anything on the floor, because retrieving it was a task I never felt up to._

_“Rin, stop looking so miserable!” Jaken said to me one afternoon. I hadn’t realized I was looking despondent, but I found it all too ironic that the king of pissing and moaning had tried to rectify my attitude._

_“Ha, why don’t you try carrying another living thing inside of you for months on end and tell me how good it makes you feel, Jaken.”_

_“You should feel honored to be carrying Lord Sesshomaru’s child!” He shook his skinny finger at me disapprovingly. “Surely when you produce a healthy son, you’ll see that all of this trivial discomfort that you’re enduring now was worthwhile.”_

_There was one thing that I did like about being pregnant – when I put my hands on my round tummy, and I could feel the baby kicking and moving around inside. I don’t know - it kind of made me think that they were as anxious to meet me as I was to meet them._

_“Daughter...”_

_“Hm? What was that, Rin?” Jaken asked, blinking repeatedly in confusion._

_“You said I was going to have a healthy son, but the baby is a girl.”_

_Unfortunately, he did not seem as convinced. “Really...and just how do you know that?”_

_“Well Jaken, how do you know that the child is a boy?”_

_He was quite stumped by that response. “Well, I suppose there is no way to know for certain. But that is what most would hope for, is it not?”_

_I shrugged. “I just know that it’s a girl. And when she grows up, she’ll be a sweet little girl who loves her Uncle Jaken!”_

_It tickled me to see Jaken shudder at hearing himself referred to as an uncle. But I believed everything I said. Even though he was always grumpy and annoying, I even had a soft spot in my heart for Jaken and considered him part of my family._

_“Oh, milord! There you are!”_

_Sesshomaru’s footsteps were always so light. I hadn’t even noticed that he was standing right behind me._

_“Why are you always trying to sneak up on me, huh?” I said, smiling over my shoulder. I turned around and was greeted by a gentle kiss on the forehead._

_“Ugh...spare me.” I heard Jaken mutter under his breath. Neither I nor Sesshomaru paid him any attention as he scurried off to avoid us._

_“Sesshomaru!” I said, enthusiastically grabbing his hand. “We have to think of a name for the baby!”_

_He raised an eyebrow in confusion. “So soon? Hm...I suppose I’ll leave that to you.”_

_“What? Nooo, I want you to choose a name! C’mon, I’m sure you can think of a pretty name for a little girl.”_

_“Well, I suppose.” We started to walk together towards the courtyard. It didn’t take him long at all to come up with a name._

_“Setsuna.”_

_“’Setsuna’...?” I shook my head in disapproval._

_“Do you dislike that name?”_

_“Sesshomaru, that’s ugly!”_

_“I don’t think so. It sounds beautiful, but deadly.”_

_I snickered. “So you want your daughter to be a beautiful, cold-blooded killer?”_

_He cracked a half-smile that was so characteristic of him. “Just like her father.”_

_“I’m hoping she gets some of your humility too.” I said sarcastically, playfully shoving him._

_On the outside I probably seemed pretty at ease, but the truth was that there was something that had been eating away at me for months. I didn’t want to dampen the mood, I knew what I had to say might upset him, but I had to get it off of my chest._

_“Sesshomaru, do you remember the day I realized I was with child?”_

_He nodded._

_“Well, Inuyasha was very upset when he heard the news, and I just wonder why. It’s been bothering me ever since...”_

_“Why are you concerned with my idiot brother’s opinion?” There was an evident change in his tone. “He is always angry and boisterous, and he’s never been fond of me. Why pay attention to any of his tantrums?”_

_“But if anything I figured he’d be indifferent. He was livid, Sesshomaru.”  I couldn’t allow myself to think that Inuyasha was so upset because he thought Sesshomaru forced himself onto me. Not that I thought Inuyasha didn’t care for me, but I couldn’t see how such a thing could make him that angry._

_Then, it dawned on me. Inuyasha, just like the little girl inside me, was a hanyou.  And because of that he’d endured prejudice from humans and demons alike, including the one standing next to me. How must he have felt knowing that his brother, who constantly condemned him for being a hanyou, was now fathering one? Bitter, I imagine. He probably felt as though Sesshomaru was being audacious, that he was undeserving._

_“Sesshomaru,” I said softly. “You know this child of ours will be a hanyou...”_

_“Obviously...”_

_The tone he was taking annoyed me. “What I want to know is if that will get in the way of you caring for her.”_

_“Why would you ask me such a thing?”_

_“Because I need to know that you’re capable of having a child who is half-human Sesshomaru.” I said, placing a hand on my stomach. “Once she’s born, this little girl is going to be stuck halfway between two worlds. That isn’t something I’m certain you can empathize with. Not to mention, you haven’t been so accepting of hanyou in the past.”_

_He seemed offended when I said this, though I wasn’t sure why – he knew I was telling the truth._

_“Of course I’m able to accept my own child.”_

_“Oh, I see, so in order for a hanyou to be worthy of respect, they need to be your child.” I shook my head. “That’s a bit conceited, don’t you think?”_

_“Rin, what is the meaning of all this? Where is all of this coming from?”_

_I was so frustrated I wanted to lash out. It was clear that I was getting to him, but he still stood there as calm as composed as he ever was. I wasn’t even sure what I was hoping to achieve. I didn’t want him to yell at me, I didn’t even want to fight at all. I suppose I just wanted him to at least seem like he gave a damn about this child. But I should’ve known better than anyone that Sesshomaru was never one for being expressive. It never meant he didn’t care._

_I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. It’s just...I’m worried, Sesshomaru...so worried.” After all of that I just felt exhausted, and I was no longer interested in feeding koi._

_“Rin...”_

_I started to make my way back to the bedroom, when Sesshomaru’s hand grabbed my wrist._

_“You have nothing to worry about...understand?”_

_I looked over my shoulder, and into his eyes, seeing something in them that lifted my spirits._

_“Yes,” I nodded, smiling. “I understand.”_

_I always remember the night that Setsuna was born as ‘the day when the sun defeated the rain and stars’._

_That evening, Sesshomaru and Jaken had wandered off somewhere, while I was left alone in our home. I hadn’t anticipated going into labor anytime soon, but then again, babies don’t usually send announcements of their arrival, now do they?_

_I moved as fast as my body would allow around the house, looking for things I would need to get through this birth – a small knife, linens...I helped delivered three babies in the past, I was certain that I could deliver my own baby by myself._

_Although I was confident in my abilities, I was still somewhat nervous. The storm raging outside certainly wasn’t helping. It was difficult to focus on keeping my breathing at a steady rhythm while claps of thunder loud enough to shake the house sounded every few seconds, startling me._

_I set one blanket underneath myself to catch any gore, and sat with my back propped against the wall and my legs spread apart. It was an awkward and uncomfortable position. I thought about the irony of how being posed in a similar manner was what eventually led to me having to be stuck in such a position in the first place. Laughing at my own crude humor did not help me at all in that situation. The pain worsened and breathing became more strenuous._

_After what seemed like hours had passed, I finally felt the urge to push. Whenever I did, it felt as though nothing was happening, but I knew better and knew that I had to keep on going. As I began to walk the fine line between consciousness and unconsciousness, I cursed my frail body. I had survived too many things in my lifetime to die before I met my firstborn. I struggled to hold on as I forced my body to push once more._

_Then I heard it...the softest of cries._

_I quickly reached for the spare linens, using one to clean her off a bit, and the other to swaddle her. Yes...her...a little girl just as I knew she would be._

_After I carefully cut the cord with the small knife, I wrapped her in the blanket, eager to hold her little body close to me. Her silver hair was so soft, just like the tiny dog ears that poked out of it. I wanted to see her pretty eyes so badly, but in that moment she wouldn’t open them for me._

_“It’s nice to finally meet you, Setsuna.” I said softly, smiling as I rocked my daughter back and forth in my arms._

_Outside the storm continued to rage on, but I paid it no mind, for inside I saw nothing but the sun. For the longest time I could say with confidence that Sesshomaru was my first true love. But as I looked at the baby sleeping in my arms, I knew that was no longer true. I was in love with being a mother...I was in love with that little girl._

_“Rin!”_

_Lost in her own thoughts, Rin hadn’t even noticed that Sesshomaru and Jaken had both returned. Both of them were damp from the rain, I even noticed Jaken sniffling a bit. He was always such a frail little thing._

_The little bundle I was holding caught the attention of both of them._

_“Rin...” Jaken repeated my name. “Is that really...? Did you really?!”_

_“Jaken, meet Setsuna.” I smiled proudly as I lifted the baby up for him to see. I felt bad for giggling as the little imp’s lip quivered and tears formed in his eyes._

_“Milord...” Jaken said, facing the baby, but obviously speaking to Sesshomaru. “The child is so beautiful! She certainly takes after you, milord, AUGH!”_

_Sesshomaru kicked Jaken out of the way and knelt down next to me. Looking in his eyes, I knew what he was thinking._

_“I’m fine.”_

_“I don’t believe you.” He responded, taking my face into his hand. He must have heard the weakness in my voice. I was indeed exhausted, but I knew I would be okay._

_“Sesshomaru, everything is alright.” I reassured him. Setsuna stirred in my arms, seeming displeased that the attention was no longer on her._

_“I thought you didn’t like the name that I chose.”_

_“Well, it grew on me, how about that?” I smiled, not taking my eyes away from my baby. “This is your daddy, Setsuna.” Sesshomaru took her from my arms and held her out awkwardly in front of him, as if she were a giant potato._

_“Sesshomaru that is not how you hold a baby,” I chuckled. “Here, let me help.” I rearranged his arms so that he was cradling her, making sure that he was mindful of her head. It really was quite humorous to see this demon, who had been feared by many, gently holding a little baby. But at the same time it warmed my heart, fatherhood suited him well._

_For the first time, Setsuna lifted her eyelids which, unsurprisingly, revealed bright golden eyes just like her father’s. As both pairs of glowing eyes met, a tiny smile crept onto the little one’s face._

_“Look at that, she adores you already.” I said, slightly jealous. “Isn’t she beautiful?”_

_“Indeed, she is, not at all unlike her mother.”_

_“Oh stop.” I said, hiding my blushing face._

_“I only speak the truth.” He responded, not taking his eyes off of Setsuna. I thought I saw him return her smile, but it was always hard to catch Sesshomaru’s evasive grins. “Rin, allow yourself to rest.”_

_“Oh no, I’m okay.” I said waving dismissively._

_“That was not a request.”_

_I didn’t want to sleep. I wanted to be with my daughter, but I knew he was right. The evening had been long and rest was what I needed more than anything. Setsuna would be there when I awoke in the morning. As I faded into slumber, I imagined Setsuna taking her first steps, speaking her first words, putting on her first kimono..._

_“Rin...”_

_“Hm?” I uttered, only partially conscious._

_“Thank you.”_

_That’s the last thing I remember hearing before losing my fight against sleep._


	9. Lullabies

Ever since the incident with Setsuna and the villagers, Rin’s mind had been surprisingly at ease. It had been ages since anyone came round to harass her or anyone else in her family. She knew that it was more so out of fear than respect. They wouldn’t dare try to test a child who nearly ripped off a man’s arm right before their eyes. But it didn’t matter to Rin; the only thing that mattered was that her children would be able to exist peacefully, at least for now.

Rin was occupied with folding clothing when she heard someone enter her home. She looked over her shoulder to see Kohaku, his face slightly red from the chilly weather outside. Instead of his demon-slaying uniform, he wore his everyday hakama and haori.

“Hey.” He said shortly.

“No work today?”

“Not really.” The heavy parcel he carried on his back, which held all of his slaying gear, dropped to the floor with a thud. “I offered my services, but no one needed my help. I suppose even the demons like to take refuge when the seasons start to change.” He stretched, audibly cracking the bones in his back. “Where are the kids?”

“They went out to play not too long ago.” After taking a closer look, Rin realized that Kohaku was shivering a bit violently. “Oh my god, you poor thing, do you want me to start a fire for you?”

“Not really.” Kohaku said with a mischievous grin. As Rin was about to go outside to get firewood, he placed both of his hands on her waist and pulled her back into him.

“Huh...?”  She blinked multiple times in confusion as Kohaku nuzzled and kissed her neck.

“I want you to warm me up.” He whispered, tickling her skin with his breath.

“Wait, what about the kids?”

“Didn’t you say they just left?” He chuckled. “I’m positive that they won’t be back ‘til way after we’re done.” He led her by the wrist to their futon, where he gently laid her down on her back. Rin flipped herself over and assumed a position on her hands and knees, but Kohaku placed her back down. “No, I want to see your face this time.”

 _Dammit_ , Rin thought as he brushed her hair out of her face. He then untied her obi and tossed it to the side. As he trailed kisses down her body, from her neck to her navel, she kept her eyes towards the doorway, silently praying that someone would come to rudely interrupt. A world of shame and embarrassment would be worth getting out of what was about to happen.

The reason why Rin always got on her knees whenever Kohaku wanted to have her was because she didn’t _want_ him to see her face, how it was filled with anguish. He certainly wasn’t the worst lover a woman could possibly have, but he was no Sesshomaru.

The same emotional connection wasn’t there, nor could he ever make her feel the same way she did when she was with her beloved demon lord. That was what caused her distress – having to pretend that her son’s father was someone else entirely whenever they lay together. She felt horrible that she had to pretend someone else was inside of her, or that someone else’s lips were on her neck. She had to pretend that the hands that caressed her body belonged to Sesshomaru, who would touch her softly but still left scratches on her back that Rin would wear proudly the next morning like battle scars. But the man that touched her now was Kohaku, whose hands were rough from his constant handling of weapons. One thing she constantly feared was whispering the wrong name in a moment of passion. Thankfully, that hadn’t happened yet.

“Kohaku...” She uttered his name, hardly whispering. “ _Kohaku_...” she repeated a bit louder. Still, he wouldn’t respond.

“Kohaku, get off of me!” Rin aggressively shoved him away, leaving him staring in confusion as she hastily tried to cover herself up. An uncomfortable silence ensued, broken only by the sounds of Rin’s heavy breathing.

“I’m sorry. I just...” Rin had no idea why she was apologizing. She wasn’t sorry at all. But somehow she felt as though that’s what she owed him. “I’m still cold, I’m going to get some firewood. “ She went outside, walking to the left side of the house where there was a pile of broken wood. As Rin collected a few pieces, Kohaku ran outside after her.

“Rin, what’s going on with you?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She responded without looking at him.

“Don’t give me that.” Kohaku grabbed her by the hands, causing her to drop the firewood she’d just collected. “You think I haven’t noticed anything? Like your strange behavior? Or how you’ve been getting more and more ill over the past few months?”

She paused. She truly did think he hadn’t noticed anything, which was foolish of her. Of course a demon slayer would be observant enough to recognize such a thing. “What strange behavior?”

“Well, like what happened back there.”

Rin shook her hands from his grasp. “Oh, so if I don’t want to have sex with you then there must be something wrong with me?”

“Rin, please be quiet. The other villagers will hear you.”

“Oh what, are you ashamed?” She said, her voice increasing in volume. “Why? Who cares? These people will never think badly of you, Kohaku. You’re their hero. I’m the one who’s a demon-fucking whore unworthy of respect.”

“Rin!” He shouted, and then sighed to calm himself down. “Don’t – don’t speak of yourself that way. Listen, we can get the firewood, go back inside, and then we can talk about whatever’s going on okay?”

“No.”

“Why?” He sighed.

“I want to talk later – tonight after the children are asleep. I have a lot on my mind. I don’t want them to interrupt us.”

“We should really just get this over with now, Rin.”

“No,” She repeated firmly, picking up the firewood that she’d dropped before. “Tonight - no time sooner.” Rin walked back into the house alone, while Kohaku stayed outside in the cold – his arms folded across his chest in frustration.

After the events of that morning, Kohaku and Rin spent the rest of the day not speaking to each other. As the sun started to set, Hisoka and Setsuna returned home, blissfully unaware of the tension between the adults of the house. Over dinner the children animatedly talked about their exciting day, while Rin would gently remind them to swallow all of their food before speaking. The youngest of the children was evidently more exhausted. Once his bowl was empty and his stomach was full, his parents practically had to drag him over to his futon. Meanwhile, the oldest child was still feeling a bit restless.

“Kohaku-san, your job is to kill demons, right?” Setsuna asked, her ears twitching in curiosity.

“Yeah, that’s right.”

The little girl sighed, staring into the fire and saying nothing further.

“What’s wrong, Setsuna?”

“Kohaku-san...you wouldn’t kill _me_ though, right?” She sniffled.

He and Rin exchanged a look of concern. Kohaku knelt down so that he stood eye-to-eye with the sad little girl in front of him.

“Of course I wouldn’t. I only go after bad demons that hurt people, not good little girls like you.”

“But I did hurt somebody. I’m not a good girl at all...”

“Hey,” Kohaku said, placing a hand on her head. “That wasn’t your fault, okay? So don’t you start thinking that bad things should happen to you just because of that one time...understand?”

Setsuna hesitated for a moment, looking towards her mother for approval. Rin had no idea that she was still so torn up about what happened. She grew concerned that that one day would continue to haunt her daughter and sit on her conscience for years to come, but she did not let the worry show. Instead, she gave Setsuna a warm smile and nodded.

The little girl turned her eyes back to her stepfather and nodded, “Okay.”

“Great. Now get some sleep.”  He said ruffling her hair and tucking her into bed.

Kohaku and Rin sat aside, waiting until they could see the rise and fall of the children’s chests that matched the rhythm of their steady breathing, indicating that they were really asleep.

“Well,” Kohaku said softly. “Is now a good time?”

Rin sighed and took a moment to further cherish the sight of watching her children sleep, knowing that it would calm her before the falling out that she knew was coming. “Let’s go outside.”

“Surely it’s gotten colder since this morning. Given your condition I don’t think it would be wise for us to just stand outside and chat.”

“Fine.” She said shortly as she watched the crackling fire cast dancing shadows against the walls. “What’s on your mind?”

“Your health, of course,” Kohaku said without hesitation. “Rin, you don’t think you’re with child again, do you?”

“No.” He was a bit taken aback by how quickly she answered. Hearing the phrase made Rin’s stomach turn. “No, I’m not with child.”

“Would that be so horrible?”

“I don’t take pregnancy well, Kohaku. It takes a toll on my body that I don’t feel like going through again.” She sighed. “Besides, I’m not sure how I feel about bringing another child into this world.”

“Well regardless, we should at least find you a doctor.”

“No, this will definitely pass. Paying a doctor would just be a waste of money.”

“And how would possibly saving my wife’s life be a waste of money?”

“Stop it, Kohaku. No one is around, so we don’t need to put up a façade – you know very well that we aren’t married.”

Despite living together for years, and even having a child together, Rin and Kohaku had in fact never exchanged vows. But this was a secret between the two of them. As far as the other villagers and even Kohaku’s family knew, the two of them had been happily wed. Of course, this was far from true.

“So exactly...why _won’t_ you marry me, Rin?”

She put a hand to her mouth, as if she wanted to prevent her words from coming out. “...I think you know why.”

“Wait, surely...you don’t think Sesshomaru is going to one day return and take your hand, do you?”

The tone in his voice made her feel like she’d been slapped in the face. “And if I do?”

“Well, forgive me Rin, but I’d say that you sound a bit delusional. He could be dead for all you know.”

Rin smiled, a humorless laugh escaping her lips. “You can think whatever you want, but I know he’s alive, and I know he’s coming back.”

“Let me ask you this,” Kohaku said, folding his hands together in serious thought. “Should he return one day, would you leave me to be with him?”

“Again, I think that’s a question I think you know the answer to.”

“That’s fine.” He said as if the opposite were true, “Feel free to leave, but I’ll be damned if you take my kids away from me.”

“Don’t be ridiculous Kohaku; I’d never take Hisoka away from you.”

“No Rin, I’m talking about _both_ of my children – Hisoka _and_ Setsuna.”

“Now hold on just a moment. You know very well Setsuna is not your daughter.”

“Like hell she isn’t!” Kohaku raised his voice a bit too loud, causing Setsuna to stir. Once it was clear that the she was sleeping soundly again, he continued with a softer voice, but with the same intensity. “Listen to me, Rin. I know that Setsuna doesn’t have my blood, that’s obvious. But through all of these years, the one who saw her speak for the first time and take her first step, the one who’s tucked her into bed, the one who’s been around to remind her that she doesn’t need to feel bad for who or what she is...that was me, Rin. It should have been Sesshomaru, but it was me.”

She knew he was right, and she felt horrible admitting that to herself. But something told Rin that there was something more to Kohaku’s feelings than he was letting on. The way he spoke of Sesshomaru, it was like there was a sense of...bitterness?

“Kohaku, what is it that you have against Sesshomaru, exactly?”

“Are you serious? He took my woman away from me, that’s what I have against him.”

 “Hold on, Kohaku, I am not ‘your woman’. I’d like to make that perfectly clear.” Rin pointed a finger towards the doorway. “Out there, however, there is a woman for you – a woman who wants a strong, handsome, charming man, who is willing to give you all that you could ever want in a wife, and that is a woman you deserve, but Kohaku –“ She placed a hand on her chest. “That woman is not me. You are a dear friend to me, and there is no way I could ever repay you for what you’ve done for me and my children. But what I feel for you, is plenty different than what I feel for Sesshomaru.”

As she finished speaking, Kohaku smiled halfheartedly, his eyes cast towards the ground. “Well I’ll tell you what.” He said, looking into Rin’s eyes and placing a hand on her shoulder. “None of that changes the way I feel about you.” After placing a gentle kiss on her lips he stood up and made his way towards the entrance of the house. “I just need to go get some fresh air.” With that he walked through the partition, into the pitch black cold.

 _Selfish...I’ve been so selfish_. Rin thought as she was left alone, the only person awake in the house. She never meant to take advantage of Kohaku’s feelings towards her. But when Sesshomaru left, he took a piece of Rin’s heart with him – leaving a torturous emptiness. She recognized Kohaku’s infatuation and lust for her, saw it as an opportunity to fill that void inside of her, and took it.

One of Rin’s most regretful moments was the night that she finally allowed Kohaku to sleep with her. After all was said and done, and Kohaku fell asleep with his arm draped around her naked torso, all that could be heard was Rin’s quiet sobbing. She felt as if she’d betrayed the man she truly loved. On the other hand there was a part of her that wanted to hurt him, to match the pain he’d inflicted on to her, purposefully or not. She wondered if such a thing would even have troubled him, realizing that he probably did not experience emotions the way she did. Sesshomaru was definitely an enigma, but what Rin felt towards him was far from that.

Sleepy groaning and shifting covers disturbed Rin from her thoughts. The oldest of her children sat up slowly and scratched one of her ears.

“Mommy I had a bad dream.” Setsuna said in a scratchy voice, barely opening her eyes.

Rin moved to sit next to her daughter, who promptly placed her head into her mother’s lap. “Do you want me to sing you a song?” She asked as she began to stroke the little girl’s hair.

Setsuna nodded. “I miss when you used to sing. You don’t really sing a lot anymore.”

“Well in that case, I’ll make up a really special song for you, okay?”

She started to hum a slow tune, thinking of words to improvise.

_Eyes bright like the sun_

_Laughter that chases the rain away_

_My precious Setsuna-chan_

_Stay this way forever_

In no time at all the song’s namesake had fallen back to sleep. Still, Rin continued to sing.

_But one day you will grow up_

_And I’ll have to share your beauty with someone else_

_But when that happens, my little princess_

_Don’t settle for less than what your heart wants_


	10. Snowflakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I believe I mentioned at the end of the last chapter that this will be the final one - WELLL, that is no longer true. Chapter 11 will definitely be the final chapter. Originally I was going to make Chapter 10 a very long chapter, solely because I didn't want the last chapter to be an odd number - I know, ridiculous. But I got over my virgo-ness and I decided to make this story 11 chapters instead of 10. Now that that's out of the way, I hope you enjoy the penultimate chapter of Halfway!

_The regal demon stared coolly at her only son from the comforts of her throne. “Sesshomaru...it’s been quite some time. Honestly, you should visit your mother more often.”_

_He had nothing to say for himself of course, very typical of him. “So, what is it that you want from me? Certainly you didn’t travel all the way to my castle just to say hello.”_

_“I want to know if you are aware of any way to prolong the life of a human.” He said, returning his mother’s calm tone._

_She raised an eyebrow in curiosity. “Hm, and why would you be interested in such a thing?”_

_“That...is none of your concern.”_

_“Wait.” She recalled the memory of the last time she saw her son - when he was accompanied by that human child, and that annoying toad creature she never bothered to remember the name of.  That had been years ago, certainly that girl would have been much older now. “You’ve mated with her, haven’t you?”_

_“I do not know of whom you speak, but that does not answer my question.”_

_She smiled in understanding. “Sesshomaru, I know we are not as close as a mother and child ought to be, but that does not change the fact that I am in fact, your mother. And as such, you are more transparent to me than you may realize. You know exactly who I’m referring to – that human girl who was accompanying you all of those years ago. Unless in that time you managed to find another human who you’d be willing to travel to hell and back for...”_

_Sesshomaru’s patience was wearing thin. “Do you know anything? Because if not, I’d like to stop wasting my time here and return to my daughter, and her mother.”_

_Her eyes widened when she heard the word ‘daughter’. But instead of addressing it, Sesshomaru’s mother simply smiled and regained her composure. “It’s just a rumor. But I have heard of an artifact known as the Jewel of Permanence. It is rumored to prolong the life of a mortal for as long as is desired.”_

_“Where can I find it?”_

_“I already told you Sesshomaru, it’s only a myth. If it exists, it could be anywhere on this land, it could be on the continent, no one knows. Will you really travel to the ends of the earth chasing a mere fairy tale?”_

_Castle guards emerged from left and right to protect their lady as her son flew towards her._

_“This is unnecessary, return to your positions.” She said firmly to the soldiers. “He will not harm me.”_

_The guards scattered, Sesshomaru was now only a mere foot away from where his mother sat._

_“As you’ve mentioned before, I’ve traversed the worlds of the living and the dead for this girl.” He sneered. “And you act as though the continent would intimidate me.”_

_Finally, the lady of the castle rose from her throne, standing almost face to face with her son. She laughed, a cold smile creeping across her face._

_“Do you find something entertaining?”_

_“Perhaps,” She said with a sigh. “I simply find it interesting what you’ve inherited from each of your parents – your mother’s appearance, and your father’s destructive infatuation with human women.”_

 

 

_Before he departed on his journey to find the mythical Jewel of Permanence, Sesshomaru spent one last night with Rin – taking in her scent and the feel of her skin, since he knew not when he’d be able to experience either again._

_Rin held her head against his chest while tapping a steady rhythm with her finger onto his arm._

_“What are you doing?” He asked._

_“I’m listening to the sound of your heartbeat.”_

_“Why?”_

_“Sesshomaru you don’t have a single romantic bone in your body, do you?”  She sighed, planting a soft kiss on his lips. “But I still love you nonetheless.” As Rin leaned in for a deeper kiss, the sleeve of her sleeping yukata shifted, exposing her bare shoulder. Sesshomaru lifted the hem and rested his hand on her exposed thigh, not allowing himself to go any further. He knew that if he allowed himself to indulge in her one last time, he’d never be able to leave her._

_Years ago if anyone told Sesshomaru that he’d be infatuated with a woman, a human woman nonetheless, he’d deem you insane. Yet there he was, past the point of infatuation. It was an addiction, a weakness; a weakness that he cursed himself for having, but an addiction that he never intended to break._

_“What’s the matter?”  When her affection wasn’t returned with the same intensity, Rin became concerned. With her dark tresses falling past her bare shoulders, brown eyes filled with confusion, head tilted ever so slightly to the side, and the slightest pout of her lips – Sesshomaru thought the universe was trying to torment him. She’d never looked more beautiful to him than in that moment._

_“I do not wish to leave you, or Setsuna.” He said, brushing the hair away from her face. “Unfortunately, I have no choice. “_

_Rin felt her heart skip a beat. “What do you mean...?”_

_“Tomorrow I have to begin a quest for something important. I do not know how long it will take.”_

_To Sesshomaru’s surprise, a smile spread across Rin’s face. “That’s all? Sesshomaru, you know I’ll follow you anywhere, it’s no big deal.”_

_“No.” He said firmly. “You will take Setsuna to the human village and the two of you will remain there until I return.”_

_“...what?” Rin said in a barely audible whisper. “Sesshomaru...we just started our life together, and now you’re leaving me again?!”_

_“Calm down, Rin...”_

_“No, I won’t calm down!” She was whispering no longer. “I used to go everywhere with you and it was perfectly fine!” Rin’s panicking had woken up the sleeping Setsuna._

_“Dammit.” She lifted the infant out of her cradle and held her while gently stroking her hair._

_“Don’t pretend to be naïve. That was when you were merely my ward, not my mistress and the mother of my child. I have no idea what lies ahead, and I certainly won’t be putting either of you in harm’s way.” Sesshomaru looked into the eyes of his daughter, amazed at how much she’d grown in only a year. He wondered what she’d look like when he returned for her. Would she be able to actually speak to him, instead of using that incoherent infant babbling? Would she even recognize him?_

_“Where are you even going?” Rin asked._

_Sesshomaru had a feeling that if he told her the complete truth, she would try to discourage it, so he answered vaguely, “I’m going to search for something that will change all of our lives for the better.”_

_Rin didn’t seem satisfied with that answer._

_“Do you trust me?” When she didn’t respond, Sesshomaru turned her face towards his. “Rin, do you trust me?” He repeated._

_“Sesshomaru,” she sighed. “Since I’ve known you, there’s never been a moment...when I haven’t trusted you.”_

_Rin wanted to scream, break things, hit him...but in the end she knew none of it would make a difference. He’d made up his mind, and once the sun rose, the love of her life would be leaving her and her child indefinitely. With the baby still in her arms, Rin nestled into Sesshomaru and allowed a single tear to fall down her face, though she quickly wiped it away._

_“I hate you, Sesshomaru.” She whispered before falling into a comfortable sleep. He would not fight her, he allowed her to feel that bit of animosity towards him. All he wanted was to spend those last few moments with the only ones who mattered to him._

_The next morning, Rin was startled to awaken and find that she lay alone. Baby Setsuna was once again sleeping soundly in her cradle. But Sesshomaru...he was nowhere to be found. Wishful thinking had convinced Rin that the conversation from the previous night had just been an unpleasant dream. Even if it had been real, surely he wouldn’t have left without saying goodbye, would he?_

_She called his name once, then twice – no response. Panic started to rise within her. In the past, no matter where they were, if she called his name, he’d be there in an instant. Where was he now? Rising from bed she secured the obi of her sleeping yukata, calling Jaken’s name next – still no response. She aggressively pulled the paper screen door to the bedroom aside and ran down the halls, alternating between calling Jaken and Sesshomaru. All she heard was the patter of her own bare feet against the wooden floor._

_‘This can’t be real’, she thought. ‘It just...it can’t be.’_

_Setsuna’s cries rang throughout the halls, alerting her mother that she had awoken. She ran back to the bedroom and lifted the baby from her cradle, bouncing her gently to calm her. “Why don’t we go outside, hm?” After bundling the baby in blankets, Rin took her to the front of the house, still holding onto some lingering hope that she would find either Sesshomaru or Jaken. Of course she found neither of them, but Ah-Un stood there, seeming to be waiting for her. A note with sloppy calligraphy was attached to his saddle._

_‘Rin, you are to use Ah-Un to take yourself and Lady Setsuna back to the human village. Sesshomaru-sama insists that he will return to you, no matter what. He says that until then, he is confident that you are fully capable of caring for Lady Setsuna on your own. The two of you will be happier and safer there in the human village. Sesshomaru-sama also wants you to know that he cares for both of you more deeply than you could possibly comprehend._

_Now that I have been made fully sick to my stomach, I will conclude this letter. Rin, I wish nothing but the best for you and Lady Setsuna during our absence._

_Sincerely, Jaken...and Lord Sesshomaru’_

_That day was bitterly cold. Cold enough to stiffen the soil, cold enough for one to exhale and see miniature clouds...Rin was unsure if the shaking of her hands was due to this cold, or to her own anxiety. The gray skies that had been threatening snow all morning finally released one tiny snowflake...then another. One landed on Setsuna’s nose, and Rin kissed it away._

_“We’re going to be okay, little one.” She said, kissing her daughter again. “Right? We’re going to be okay.”_

_But she wasn’t sure if she was truly trying to convince Setsuna, or herself._

 

As Rin’s health continued to deteriorate, she continued to decline any offer of medical treatment, insisting that it was a passing illness and that it was not worth spending money on a doctor to treat. All she needed was tea and a few days of bedrest to recover. The most that Kohaku could convince her to do was stay with Kagome for a while, so she could maybe get some type of spiritual healing.

Inside of Kagome’s home, Rin sat up in bed pensively staring into a cup of tea while listening to her children play outside. “Kagome...I don’t know how to thank you for this.”

“What? For the tea? Oh it’s nothing, Rin. Just drink it before it gets cold.”

“No, I mean for all of this.” She said gesturing towards her surroundings. Letting me stay here, letting the kids stay here...I don’t know how I could ever repay you.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Rin.” Kagome said kneeling next to her, taking her free hand. “You’re practically family and I will always do whatever I can to help you. Besides, even if I didn’t want the kids here, I already knew there was no way of getting rid of them. They love their mama too much!”

Rin smiled somberly. “I just wish they didn’t have to see me like this.”

“Believe me it’s not as big a deal to them as it is to you.” Kagome sighed. “I wish my son still loved me that much.”

“Oh come on, Kagome. Akihiko is still totally a mama’s boy.”

“Hm...maybe you’re right.”

The hand that held Rin’s lukewarm cup of tea shook so much that she spilled what was left of it all over her blankets. As the cup slipped from her hand, a sob escaped her mouth.

“Oh my gosh, no, Rin, it’s okay, really.” Kagome said patting her on the shoulder. “We can just clean this right up, it’s fine.”

“What’s wrong with me, Kagome?” She cried. “Why didn’t I get help sooner? I’ve just become a burden on everyone.”

“Rin, it’s just tea. They’re just blankets. You are not a burden. And it’s not too late to get you a doctor if you’ve changed your mind. The one that lives in this village is on a trip right now, but he should be returning in a few days and I’m sure he’ll have no problem seeing you then, okay?”  

She nodded silently.

Kagome gently pulled her into a hug, patting her hair to comfort her. “Cheer up, okay? Kohaku should be back tomorrow to check up on you, too. That’s something to look forward to right?”

Of course no one knew about the state of Rin and Kohaku’s relationship. Kagome would have probably been surprised to hear that while Rin wasn’t dreading seeing Kohaku, she was not all that elated to see him either. As far as Rin knew, Kohaku hadn’t even told his sister or Miroku about what had been going on. It really tore her up inside to hide such a thing from someone whom she considered to be an elder sister.

“We’re back!”

Hisoka and Setsuna ran inside and huddled around the fire, followed by Akihiko who came inside looking exhausted.

“Well hello there,” said Kagome, “Did you guys have fun today?”

“We sure did!” Hisoka responded, aggressively rubbing his hands together. “It was sooo cold, though!”

“Yeah, we were playing with Aki-chan and Koutaru, but we came back inside because Aki-chan said he was too cold and too tired.” Setsuna said, holding her hands over the fire.

“Since when did you become such an old man?” Kagome said jokingly to her son. “You should consider this training for when you marry a nice young girl and make some cute grandchildren for me...not too soon though; I’m not old enough to be a ‘Baa-chan’ yet.” She winked.

Rin noticed that when Kagome brought up marriage and grandchildren, Akihiko looked nervously at Setsuna, who was giggling like crazy. It was as if the two of them shared some kind of secret that no one else knew about. But it seemed as if the little girl was going to remain tight-lipped for now.

“Hey you, what’s so funny?”

“Mommyyy!” Setsuna gasped, “You’re awake!” The little girl ran from her cozy place in front of the fire to the even cozier place in her mother’s arms, and her brother followed suit. The two of them were so hyper that they almost knocked her over.

“Please be careful, you two. You know I’m not feeling well.” Rin said gently.

“It’s your fault, Hisoka. Why do you have to copy everything I do? Mommy had too many kids on her at one time!”

“No it’s your fault you almost crushed Mommy with the weight of your big head!”

Sometimes when children misbehave, they don’t need a scolding or to be yelled at. Sometimes they just needed a mother’s stern glare, which Rin was able to give effectively even when she wasn’t in good health. The two quickly silenced themselves and apologized to each other.

“How are you feeling today, Mommy? Are you feeling better than before?”

“Well Hisoka, I can’t really say.” Rin sighed. “But once the doctor comes back, maybe he can help me get better.”

“Hey Mommy, after you see the doctor and he makes you all better, can we go to the hot springs like we did before? That was so much fun.”

“Of course,” She smiled, “Once I’m well again, we can go wherever you want.”

Hisoka’s face lit up. “I wanna go too!”

“Yeah, we can all go – as a family!”

It warmed Rin’s heart to see her kids agreeing on something for once. She only wished that she could physically show how excited she was. “That’s right, but first I have to get better, like you said. So right now, Mommy’s gonna get some rest, okay?”

“Okay!”

Rin was amused by how Setsuna and Hisoka started to tuck her into bed as if she was the child. Hisoka pulled the blankets so that they were snug around her body, while Setsuna adjusted her pillow. Kagome was right, those kids really did love her to death, and she loved them even more than that.

“Goodnight, Mommy!” The children said in unison.

“Goodnight you two...”  Rin fell asleep in mere seconds.

‘ _Goodnight you two..._ ’

Those were Rin’s final words.


	11. Farewells

Setsuna was the first one to wake up the next morning. Hisoka was still nestled awkwardly into Akihiko, who slept with his back to the wall just like his father. Kagome slept in her futon while Inuyasha sat protectively next to her.

She yawned and looked to her mother, who seemed to be resting peacefully next to her. Her stomach growled so loudly that she thought she might wake up everyone in the house, maybe even the whole village.

“Mommy, I’m hungry.” She whispered. When her mother didn’t respond, she tried lightly shaking her shoulder.

That’s when she noticed how oddly pale her skin was.

“Mommy, why aren’t you waking up?” She placed a hand on her face and realized that she was incredibly cold...and she wasn’t breathing. With one of her ears against her mother’s chest she listened for a heartbeat.

She couldn’t hear one.

“Aki-chan... _Aki-chan_!” She shook her cousin awake with a pitiful sob.

“Whoa, what is it Setsuna? What’s wrong?” He yawned, cracking open his golden eyes.

“My mom isn’t waking up, I’m scared!”

“What...?” He leaned in close to Rin to listen for her breathing and placed two fingers on her neck to feel a pulse.

“Oh my god...” Akihiko looked around in panic. “Mom... _Mom_! You need to wake up right now.” He said aggressively shaking Kagome’s shoulder.

“Urgh, what is it?” She mumbled, rolling over on her other side. “Can’t it wait?”

“Yeah, what the hell is wrong with you? What’re you all excited about so early?” said an irritable Inuyasha.

“Rin-san doesn’t have a pulse. She’s not breathing.”

“What...?” His parents said in unison.

Finally, the youngest person in the house had stirred due to all of the commotion.

“What’s going on?” Hisoka asked sleepily.

Kagome knelt by the lifeless Rin, making another futile attempt to wake her. “Rin, can you hear me?” She took one of her cold hands and held it in her own. “Come on Rin, wake up...please wake up...”

“Oji-san, she’s gonna be okay.” Setsuna tugged lightly on Inuyasha’s sleeve. “She’s gonna be okay, right?”

He wouldn’t answer her, he didn’t have to. The tears that she tried to choke back exposed that she already knew the truth. Save for the sleepy, blissfully ignorant Hisoka, everyone had realized what had happened overnight – the loss of a life.

Inuyasha put a hand on his son’s shoulder. “Take the two of them outside.” Akihiko nodded and grabbed Setsuna and Hisoka by the hand.

“Come on you two.” He said gently.

As soon as she set foot outside, the cold air stung Setsuna’s cheeks. It was uncomfortably quiet, as if the world had come to a halt. For her, it certainly had.

“Aki-kun, what’s happening?” said Hisoka, “Why is everyone so sad?”

Akihiko mentally cursed his father for making him the children’s bearer of bad news. But since someone had to do it, he begrudgingly accepted the role. “Listen Hisoka, there’s no easy way to tell you this – but you’re a big kid, so you’ll be able to handle it, right?”

The little boy nodded.

“Okay,” Akihiko sighed. “Hisoka, your mom...she passed away last night, when she was sleeping.”

“’Passed away’?” He blinked in confusion. “What does that mean?”

“Hisoka don’t be stupid!” Setsuna yelled loud enough to frighten away the birds. “She’s dead! She’s dead and she’s never coming back!”

“Hang on, Setsuna. You shouldn’t call your brother stupid.”

“This is all _your_ fault, stupid Nee-san!” Hisoka yelled back at her. “Mommy got sick because she was too worried about you to worry about herself! I wish I didn’t have a half-breed as a sister...then Mommy would still be alive!”

“Hisoka!”

Setsuna let her hand fly across her brother’s face. He started to cry almost immediately, but she felt no remorse. Her golden eyes were glassy and unfocused, as if she were in a trance. Akihiko had never seen her like this before, and he found it beyond unsettling. What he didn’t know was in that moment, striking her brother across the face was not the worst thing she wanted to do. She wanted to punch, kick, cry, scream...

“Setsuna...?”

Instead she chose to run.

Akihiko panicked, unsure of whether to follow the girl alone, take Hisoka with him, or leave him there. “Dammit dammit dammit dammit dammit...Mom!” He ran back inside to find his mother praying over Rin’s body, which was covered with a white sheet. His father stood solemnly beside her.

“What is it, dear?” Kagome said, opening one eye.

“Setsuna ran away.”

“What do you mean she ‘ran away’?”

“I dunno, she and Hisoka exchanged some words and she...she ran away! She left the village! Now Hisoka’s just sitting out there crying and I don’t know what to do.”

“Well why didn’t you chase her?” She said frantically.

Inuyasha stepped forward just as Akihiko opened up his mouth to defend himself. “Ugh, look, I’ll handle this alright? You keep sitting out there with Hisoka while I go find her.”

As Inuyasha ran off in search of his niece, the still-stressed Akihiko ran a hand through his hair.

“Don’t beat yourself up.” Kagome said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be so frantic earlier. This is a hard time for all of us, after all.”

“ _Hey you! How’s my boy doin’? Huh...what’s the matter?”_

Kohaku...both of them had forgotten that he was supposed to be coming by that day. Kagome gave Akihiko a look with her eyes that told him to go deliver the bad news. He cringed and went back outside where he saw Kohaku holding Hisoka in his lap, trying to calm him down.

“Hey Akihiko, what’s going on? Hisoka’s sitting out here by himself crying, but he won’t tell me what’s wrong. And where’s Setsuna?”

He sighed, mentally preparing himself to do this for the second time that day. “Kohaku-san, there’s something I have to tell you.”

 

* * *

 

 

Setsuna ran blindly, not caring where she was going as long as she was far away from her brother and the village where her mother took her last breath. She didn’t stop until she was exhausted and collapsed onto the freezing ground.  She hadn’t been laying there long before snow flurries started falling from the cloudy gray skies. A snowflake landed on her nose and she rubbed it away with the back of her hand. With her eyes closed, memories came to her of times in the past where it snowed a lot, and her mother would help her practice writing her name by writing it in the snow. She felt as though everything was going to remind her of her mother now. She wondered how bad the next few years would be, when it was already so horrible on the first day.

“Hey, there you are.”

When she opened her eyes, Setsuna saw Inuyasha standing over her with his arms folded as they always were.

“Akihiko told me you ran off, so I just followed your scent and found you here. You came quite some way, y’know.”

She didn’t respond.

“Why don’t you come back with me? Everyone back at the village is worried about you.”

“I don’t want to go back.” She said defiantly. “I wanna stay here. I wanna stay here until I freeze...then I can be with my mommy.”

Inuyasha sighed. “Do you really think your mother would want you to do something like that?”

“It’s my fault she’s dead in the first place.”

“Setsuna, what in the world would make you think such a thing?” He knelt down next to her while she sat up, placing her hands in her lap.

“Hisoka said that it was my fault Mommy died because she was too busy worrying about me to worry about herself. All because I’m a hanyou and everyone in the village hated me so she had to make sure I was okay and that no one was hurting me.” She thought back to the verbal and physical abuse her mother had endured for her sake.

“I...really did kill my mom.” The girl buried her face in her knees and let out a cry that broke Inuyasha’s heart.  He truly did hate to see her in pain, since he considered her to be the closest thing to family he had, outside of Kagome and Akihiko. They had too much in common – hanyou who had been looked down upon by most of the people around them, who had less-than-ideal relationships with their half-brothers, who had fathers they hardly knew and kind mothers who left the world of the living way too soon...

“Listen kid, _you did not kill your mother_...understand? What she did for you is what moms are supposed to do for their kids. And I know for a fact that if we had a way of asking her right now if she regrets anything, she’d say ‘no’ in a heartbeat.” He paused for a moment to observe Setsuna’s reaction.  “And as far as Hisoka...he lost his mother too, y’know? He’s hurting just as much as you are. He needed something to do with that pain, and you were just the easiest target. He didn’t mean what he said at all.”

“Really...?” She sniffled, her eyes now red and puffy from crying.

“I’m positive.” Inuyasha was relieved to see that she was starting to calm down. “I know it doesn’t seem like it right now, but it won’t always feel this bad, I promise.”

She didn’t believe him, but she nodded anyway.

“Alright, let’s get you back; it’s way too cold out here for you.” He crouched over so that Setsuna could climb onto his back and secure her arms around his neck.

“Hey Oji-san...?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.” She said, nuzzling into his shoulder.

Setsuna was one of few that had the power to tug at Inuyasha’s heartstrings. What was more precious was that she hardly even realized it. “No problem, kid,” He said with a smile. “You know I love you to death.”

 

* * *

 

 

Finding out that the woman he loved had passed away overnight had sent Kohaku into a state of shock. All he could think about was how it had been his fault – how he should have forced her to see a doctor even when she didn’t want to. Now both of his children were without a mother, and neither they nor he had even been able to say goodbye. He feared this day would haunt him for the rest of his life, and he was sure he’d deserved it.

“Kohaku-san...?”

Though it sounded like it was far away, he thought he heard Setsuna’s voice calling out to him.

“Dad...?”

“I’m so sorry Setsuna, Hisoka...I’m the one to blame for this happening. If only I’d just –“

“Now hold on a second!” Kagome shouted, causing Kohaku to finally come to his senses. Setsuna and Hisoka were sitting on either side of him. Inuyasha and Akihiko were standing over him, while Kagome stood off to the side looking quite upset.

“What we are going to do right now is stop assigning guilt to one another. This is no one’s fault, understand?” Kagome said looking each of Rin’s family members individually. “Everyone has to pass on eventually, and unfortunately Rin’s time has come.” She sighed, “So we need to stop talking about what we could’ve done differently to fix this - because there’s nothing that could’ve been done.”

The house was silent as everyone took in Kagome’s words.

“Alright, Inuyasha, Akihiko, come with me so we can get some help with setting up the pyre.”

The two of them followed the matriarch out of the house, leaving Kohaku, Setsuna, and Hisoka alone with Rin’s body, which all of them actively avoided looking at.

“Hey, Nee-san,” Hisoka spoke up, “I’m sorry about the mean thing I said to you before.”

Setsuna grabbed her little brother’s hand and held it in her own. “I forgive you.”

“Kagome has a point, you two.” Kohaku said, patting their heads. “Your mom wouldn’t want us to be bickering over whose fault it is that she died. What she would want is for us to take care of each other now that she’s not here anymore.” He pulled them both in for a hug, “And we’re gonna do that, right?”

“Right!” They yelled in unison.

“That’s what I like to hear.”

 

* * *

 

 

Sango, Miroku, Koutaru, and the twins had all come to see Rin put to rest. After her body was placed on the pyre, Kirara was the one assigned to ignite it. The crackling fire was the only sound to be heard amongst the silent spectators, the image of the dancing flames reflected in their eyes. Sango held her brother as he wept, just as she had when they were children. Even though he was now a man who dominated her in size, she would still be there for him when he felt he wasn’t strong enough to handle something alone. Koutaru grabbed Akihiko by the hand and interlaced their fingers together, making sure to stand close enough to him so that no one would take notice. Akihiko prayed that anyone who noticed his red cheeks would think it was due to the cold, not due to the incredibly intimate gesture of the man he was in love with. Hisoka and Setsuna held hands as they stared into the fire. Their moments with their mother, from as far back as they could remember to the ones from just the previous night, flashed before their eyes. As the smoke drifted into the sky, they wondered if it would carry their mother’s spirit to the heavens where it belonged.

Hours passed before the fire had finally died, and Rin’s remains had turned to ashes. The ashes were collected into a clay jar that was given to Kohaku.

“I’m not even sure where to bury this.” He said honestly.

“I know!” Everyone looked at Setsuna expectantly. “The meadow, the one with the flowers where she used to go all the time, that’s where mom would want to be buried. It’s cold now, but I know in the springtime, she’d want to be there to help the flowers bloom. I’m sure of it.”

“Well alright then.” Kohaku said, looking at the heavy jar. “As soon as we get back home, that’s where she’ll go.”

 

* * *

 

 

Kohaku couldn’t bring himself to return home that night, knowing that Rin wouldn’t be there, nor would she ever be there again. Besides, he didn’t quite feel like being back in the vicinity of those horrible villagers who didn’t give a damn about her so soon. So he and the children stayed with Kagome and her family for one more night.

Akihiko was one of the first to wake up the next morning. The teenaged boy had a lot on his mind, not only Rin’s passing but whatever it was that happened between him and Koutaru during the cremation. He tried to distract himself by sharpening his arrows outside. As he sat down and began to strike a sharp rock against the first arrowhead, he noticed something glowing in the sky – something that was headed towards him.

‘ _That’s strange_ ,’ he thought. ‘ _And yet, it’s oddly familiar_.’

It finally landed in front of him, and when it took form, Akihiko’s jaw dropped.

“O-Oji-san?!”

“Akihiko, I suppose it’s been quite some time.” Sesshomaru said indifferently. “Unfortunately, I have no great interest in catching up at this moment. So tell me, where is Rin?” Sesshomaru’s cold golden eyes scanned the village in search of a woman that he would never find.

The boy’s heart dropped into his stomach. He was already tired of being the one to tell the news of Rin’s passing, but now he had to play that role for his uncle who he had always found a bit terrifying even as a child. The kids and Kohaku he could deal with, but he didn’t think he was prepared to see how Sesshomaru was going to react.

“Aki-chan!”

Akihiko turned his head to see Setsuna coming out of the house and walking towards him and Sesshomaru.

“Aki-chan, your mom wants you.”

Sesshomaru’s eyes widened as he laid eyes on his daughter for the first time in years. Setsuna realized she was being stared at and turned her attention to the strange man talking to her cousin.

“Uh, Setsuna...” Akihiko said, awkwardly looking back and forth between the father and daughter, “Do you...remember who this is?”

The little girl shook her head. She moved closer to Sesshomaru and bowed politely. “My name is Setsuna. It’s nice to meet you.” She smiled shyly.

“Yes, I – I know who you are, Setsuna.”

She blinked in confusion. How in the world did he know her?

‘ _Wait_...’ Her mother’s words from the night they spent in the hot springs came back to her. ‘ _Silver hair and gold eyes just like me and a crescent moon right...here_.’ She pointed a finger towards her forehead.

“I do know who you are!” Now Akihiko and Sesshomaru were the ones who were confused. A smile spread across Setsuna’s face as she ran towards her father, throwing herself into him. “You’re my daddy! Mommy always said you were gonna come back for us one day and she was right!”

“Where is your mother, Setsuna?”

The smile on the little girl’s face quickly disappeared. She sighed and told her father the terrible news. “She...died yesterday. She was sick and it got really bad. Then she went to sleep and she...didn’t wake up again.”

Sesshomaru thought back to the time long ago, when he had to rescue Rin from the demons of the underworld. Back then, he said that nothing he could possibly earn would have been worth the cost of her life. At the time he had meant it, but somehow along the way he must have forgotten his own words.  By spending all of those years chasing after his own selfish desire to have Rin for as long as he could, he missed spending the bit of life with her that she had left – missed watching their daughter grow up.

Nothing was worth the cost of Rin’s life, not even a chance to prolong it indefinitely. Unfortunately, Sesshomaru learned that lesson too late. He’d been able to save her life twice, but this time, she wasn’t coming back.

The great youkai fell to his knees, overwhelmed by a feeling that he wasn’t used to – something like regret. He wished to go back in time before the night he left her and Setsuna forever. He wanted to stop himself from being a selfish fool; he wanted to make love to her once more the way he really wanted to that night. He wanted to hear her uttering his name just once more, but it would never happen.

“I’m – I’m sorry.” Setsuna placed a comforting hand on his arm, unsure of what else to do.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

Kagome, Inuyasha, and Kohaku had all walked outside to discover that Sesshomaru had returned. Kagome merely looked surprised, Inuyasha was less than enthused, but it was Kohaku who had spoken out in anger. Sesshomaru rose from the ground, too proud to be seen on his knees by so many.  He remained unfazed as Kohaku stormed towards him, shaking off Kagome’s hand as she tried to hold him back.

“So, you’ve finally decided to come back after all this time, huh? Well if you’re looking for Rin I’ve got some bad news for you...”

“I know...Rin has died.” Sesshomaru said cutting him off. “I am aware of how much you cared for Rin. Certainly this is a stressful time for you.”

“It sure is, but she still lives on in the happy memories I have of her – living together, raising _our_ son along with Setsuna.” Kohaku grabbed the girl by her wrist and held her by the shoulders close to him.

“Oh? You had a child together? How wonderful. Am I meant to be jealous of you, Kohaku?” A smirk crept onto his face when Kohaku didn’t respond. “Well regardless, I am grateful to you for taking care of Rin and Setsuna during my absence. However, I will be taking her back with me.”

“Woah hold on a second, Sesshomaru!” Inuyasha interjected.

“Stay over there, Inuyasha. This does not concern you.” He said, keeping his eyes on Kohaku.

“I don’t know, Sesshomaru. I think it concerns him a great deal, considering he’s one of the few who watched over your kid while you were off in the world soul searching or whatever the hell it was you were doing the whole time.” Kohaku said, his face hot wit anger.

“You need not worry about where I was; again it does not concern you.”

Kohaku shrugged. “You’re right. I guess it doesn’t matter either way. All you did was prove who was worthy enough to be with Rin in the end.”

In a blink of an eye, Sesshomaru’s hand was wrapped around Kohaku’s neck.

“Heh, go ahead, do your worst.” He said, gasping for air while still maintaining a crooked smile. “Show your little girl how much of a monster you really are.”

“Um...you guys?”

Both of Rin’s men turned their attention to the easily forgotten Akihiko, who was standing off to the side nervously watching the conflict. “Perhaps this is none of my business but Setsuna is a child, not a piece of property, y’know?”  He walked over to the girl who was wide-eyed with fear and held her hand. “Instead of fighting over her, why don’t you let her decide who she wants to stay with?”

“She is not old enough to make such a decision on her own.” Sesshomaru said, releasing his hold on Kohaku.

“Agreed,” He glared at Sesshomaru while rubbing his neck.

“Well I don’t agree.” Kagome spoke up for the first time since the conflict had started, drawing everyone’s attention to her. “Setsuna has had to deal with a lot – much more than most kids her age. She may still be a child, but I honestly think she’s capable of making a choice that’s good for her.”

Father and stepfather exchanged a malicious glance, but in the end they both conceded to Kagome’s word.

“Fine,” said Kohaku.

“Fine.” Sesshomaru echoed.

“Well Setsuna...?” Akihiko asked, looking at her expectantly.

He wasn’t the only one either. All pairs of eyes in the vicinity were on Setsuna.

‘ _No pressure_...’

She slowly walked over to Kohaku and hugged his leg. “Kohaku-san, I’m sorry...but I want to stay with my dad.”

“Setsuna...”

“I know how much you cared about my mom, and I know how hard it’s gonna be now that she’s not here anymore. But you at least still have Hisoka.” She looked over to where her father stood. “My dad doesn’t really seem like the type to be open about his feelings, but I can tell that he’s just as hurt. And I don’t know if he has anybody aside from me...so I want to stay with him.”

The true reason why Kohaku was so eager for Setsuna to continue living with him was that he saw how she had inherited her mother’s bright personality. He thought that if she stayed with him, it would almost be as if Rin never truly died. But deep down he knew how unhappy Setsuna was in that village, and how curious she must have been about her real father. Ultimately, he couldn’t allow himself to be so selfish as to keep the two of them apart.

“Nee-san!”

Setsuna suddenly felt a pair of arms wrap around her torso. “Hisoka?”

“I don’t want you to leave, Nee-san!” The boy cried, staining his sister’s kimono with his tears.

“It’s not like I’m gonna be gone forever. I’m gonna see you again, okay?” She wiped his face with her sleeve. “Okay?”

He nodded quietly.

“Hey Sesshomaru,” Inuyasha said. “She’s a good kid. Take care of her, alright?”

He completely ignored him. “Setsuna, we’ll be leaving now.”

“Okay!” She nodded, running over to stand by his side. “Bye everybody! Bye Hisoka, Bye Aki-chan...!”

She said an individual farewell to each of her loved ones.

“Bye Oji-san!”

Inuyasha smiled and nodded at her, but that smile faded quickly when he returned his attention back to his older brother, “I mean it, Sesshomaru! If you don’t take good care of her I’m gonna kick your ass, you hear me?!”

Setsuna’s mouth formed a small ‘o’ in surprise.

“Sit boy.” Kagome sighed.

 

* * *

 

 

Setsuna sat in the crook of her father’s arm while they floated in the air on a cloud of their very own. Her face hurt from smiling so much, she’d never experienced anything like it before. “Hey! Um...erm...”

“What is it?” Sesshomaru answered

“I don’t know what to call you. No offense, but calling you ‘Daddy’ feels a bit strange since it feels like I just met you.”

“Call me whatever you wish.”

“Can I call you Sesshomaru-sama?”

“...Sesshomaru-san will do.”

“Okay! Hm...’Sesshomaru-san’.” She started to hum her own little song. “Sesshomaru-san, where do you live? Do you live in the mountains, or by the beach...or somewhere in the forest? Is it going to be just us? Do I have other siblings?”

Sesshomaru smiled to himself.

“Huh? Why are you smiling?”

“You are very much like your mother. I find it a bit amusing.”

Setsuna blushed. “That makes me happy! I always wanted to be just like Mommy, she was amazing!”

_‘I know...’_

“Setsuna.”

“Huh?”

“Your mother, was she happy?”

She paused for a moment and sighed. “In the village where we lived, there were a lot of people who were mean to me. They didn’t like that I was a hanyou, and they would say bad things about me. That made Mommy really upset sometimes. But other than that, she was always happy. She liked to sing and pick flowers a lot.” She let her head fall into Sesshomaru’s fluff. “I’m really gonna miss her.”

_‘Sesshomaru-sama...If I died one day, would you always remember me?’_

She was still just a young girl the first time she’d asked him.

‘ _Huh...don’t say such silly things_.’ He had said.

‘ _Sesshomaru-sama...will you remember me when I die_?’

She was a woman the second time she asked, pregnant with their own child, though he hadn’t known at the time.

‘ _Rin...do you still wish to know the answer to that question_?’

 

He wouldn’t forget her. He would never forget her.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU  
> Thank you so much for taking the time to read this story, I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I may be writing a sequel in the future, so if you're interested, you have that to look forward to!


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